the_siobhan: (shock and awe)
One of the guys I work with was born in 1995.

I have to go lie down now.
the_siobhan: (on fire)
It's been a really wet summer so far - this is the only day this week we haven't had/aren't expected to have thunderstorms. Water was coming into D's apartment at one point so we dropped some money credit on getting some additional waterproofing in the basement, and cross fingers/knock on everything, it seems to have done the trick.

Apparently I have a peak number of words per week or something, because the more I write outside of DW/LJ, the less I write here. So yay for being non-blog productive I guess, but I do feel like I should be making some attempt to keep up with the posting. Especially since this is pretty much the only social thing I really do these days.

June was the month of Working All The Overtime, but that's not being offered in July. So instead I signed up for NaNoWriMo again. Because I am allergic to spare time or something.
the_siobhan: (on fire)


I am suffering from a chronic case of having nothing interesting to say.
the_siobhan: (goatse)
Apparently Shoppers Drug Mart is now selling homeopathic remedies. I picked something new off the shelf and it wasn't until after the receipt was long gone that Axel read the fine print on the packaging. This is fucking annoying. I tend to assume that something I buy at a drug store has an actual active ingredient of some kind. Apparently not.

******


I read this article yesterday about scientist who been successfully inclubating lambs in an artifical womb. It's being researched as a therapy for severely premature babies who usually have serious health defects as a result of not cooking long enough.

So that's pretty cool on it's own, but the comments were full of people talking about what will happen once the technology progresses to the point that an artifical womb can be used for the entire process. Some people had some interesting things to say. But the one thing that I totally disagreed with was the number of people who said this would embraced by the pro-life camp as an alternative to abortion. I'm convinced the exact opposite will happen. Because if a woman can put the unwanted pregnancy into an artifical womb and hand it off to somebody else then she's not being punished nearly enough for having had sex, and that's really what the organized pro-life movement is all about.

On the plus side it will probably get rid of the "she shouldn't be allowed it's my baby too" MRA types, because in the vast majority of those cases they don't actually want the kid either.

******


I'm on my second week of working overtime and I'm logging into the systems right now and don't waaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

******
the_siobhan: It means, "to rot" (Fester)
I kind of meant to use my vacation as a chance to catch up here. Instead I did travel, sick, sick, sick and travel. And then drunk, where I posted a couple of things but mostly forgot anything I wanted to talk about.

I used to do all my updates from work, but not so much now. Things are crazy busy at work and there is never enough time. They have even started offering us overtime hours lately which is... just really not something they've ever done before. I'm taking all the hours I can manage of course, because money.

Having two whole weeks off to so my own thing was So. Nice. I spent most of it being productive of course but I still got to go to Montreal and Guelph and hang out with people.

I wish I had more to talk about but life without money ends up being pretty boring.

aftermath

Apr. 16th, 2017 12:08 pm
the_siobhan: (vertical hold)
I managed to get about 1200 words pounded out between posts and conversations. Not bad.

My hangovers these days mostly consist of just being really really dizzy. I was standing in D's apartment this morning feeling something falling over and completely unable to tell if it was me or something else. As it turned out, it was his laundry basket sliding off the stool.

So it's the last day of my vacation. Apart from the being sick for the entire freakin' time, it was still a productive couple of weeks. I got to visit some lovely people, and we got a a bunch of stuff done around the house.

I think a chill day of just hanging out is in order.

Man, I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow.
the_siobhan: (NaDruWriNi)
At one of our previous laptops&beers sessions somebody asked the room, "Do any of you have any opinions about Earth Day?"

Hoo boy, do I have opinons about Earth Day.

The first year it went international, Axel & I took part. We turned off our lights, lit some candles, sat around in our creepy living room with the plastic hanging off the bricks because we had no walls, drank a bottle of wine and talked. And it was nice, a little break in the middle of a hectic life.

The next day there were tons of news articles about how many people had taken part. How so many major cities, mine included, had seen major energy use dips. The number of people who participated put the event on the map in a big way. I let myself feel a tiny shred of hope, the sneaking suspicion that maybe we weren't totlaly fucked. Not because an hour of low energy use means squat - it doesn't. But if that many people had demonstrated that climate change was important to them, it couldn't help but be a flag to government and business that hello, WE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION DAMN YOU. MAKE. A. FUCKING. CHANGE,

Ten years later I no longer participate.

Ten years later, my workplace - which has investments in the oil sands - puts an planet earth logo on their intranet site and encourages their employees to celebrate Earth Day by going for a walk during our lunch break.

Businesses all over town promise to dim their lights for an hour. Immediately after, of course, they go back to being fully lit up all night and causing bird genocide all summer long.

Earth Day is now a performance by marketing companies and PR hacks for the benefit of companies who want to convince people to give them their business becasue "they care". And I no longer bother to participate.




Drink List: A bunch of beers, four maybe? Plus a very strong g&t.
the_siobhan: (NaDruWriNi)
Back when I was at University I could reliably guarantee that the second my exams were over I would get brutally overwhelmingly sick. I could feel myself getting run-down and exhausted as I got closer to the end of the semester, and I would always think, "Just, _x_ more weeks and I'll be able to rest." Then the second the semester was actually finished all the viruses I had been holding back with sheer force of will would come screaming out of the woodwork and take me out like Bambi meeting Godzilla.

And that's how I spent the last two weeks. The last couple of months at work have been unbelievable levels of busy and I have been coming home so wiped out I can barely function. Then vacation happened and I just - fell right the fuck over. I was so sick.

I'm mostly over the viral vector stage, but now I get to enjoy asthma hangover for a couple of months. Just in time to go back to work.

Bitch just can't catch a break.
the_siobhan: (on fire)
Work has been bonkers. A new department that we've taken over who have never had a workforce team before, so not only are we taking over all their tracking and reporting we are walking them through a massive cultural shift. A brand new software piece that is shall we say, a little buggy at implementation. And half my co-workers out of the office for training for six weeks.

All of these things are happening at the same time.

We still have tons of stuff to do at home, but I'm so wiped when I get there that half the time I end up just sitting and staring at the open box while little invisible birds twitter around my ears. Like I can't even comprehend what I'm looking at, never mind figure out what to do with it.

But starting Friday I'm on vacation for a week, in training for two days and then off for another week. I am literally counting down the hours.
the_siobhan: (on fire)
Who has two thumbs and is going to be in a two hour meeting with the VP and department Directors and just started getting the trails and hallucinations that mean an incoming migraine.
the_siobhan: (flying monkeys)
a whiskey called 'Writer's Tears'


D brought this home earlier this week. He thought it was hilarious.

(OK, I think it's hilarious too.)

Most of my posts recently have been about the reading and writing thing, because quite frankly I don’t have much else going on. No money means no travel, and I've been feeling really exhausted by adult life lately so I haven't really been doing much else either.

I decided to take a break from the big book project for a while – I have to do some research to fill in some of the holes, so in the meantime I’ll work on some other ideas I have. Weekly beer-and-laptops sessions to resume shortly.

I have one more week at the temp role before I go back to the salt mines. Everybody has been lovely about telling me they wish I were staying. Even the department Director came by and told me that she tried to get me made permanent but she couldn’t get the extra budget approved. That does a lot for my confidence, I gotta tell you. I stepped away from old job because I was feeling like I was in a rut I couldn't get out of, and this makes me a lot less worried about going back and falling into the same old pit of despair.

The boys are going to a party tonight and I’ve decided I’m going to stay home and be introverted and enjoy having the house to myself. (That doesn't happen much any more.) Maybe I could do a little bit of writing. Maybe shed a tear or two.
the_siobhan: (goatse)
Drunk writing night suffered from a failure to launch due to a 2-day migraine. I might try to do it another time, it won't be the first time I fudged the date because the calendar one didn't work out.

I am also dealing with bronchitis for the second time in six months and I am awake half the night coughing so I feel like hammered shit. Axel got his CPAP and now I can sleep in the same bed as him but he can't sleep in the same bed with me. I am just so done with this meatsuit. Or perhaps I should say this meatsuit is just so done with me.

Budget stuff is finished and it's ugly but survivable. Unfortunately it means any plans to do pretty much anything that costs money will have to wait. Still I feel a lot better that I know where we stand, and I know that we're not going to lose the house and end up sleeping the park any time soon. We're getting a chunk of tax money back which will help. And I've been ebaying stuff with the faint hope that I might make a few bucks there, but I'm not counting on it.

I'm in my second week of training at work, which just happens to be taking place at my old work location. Man, I had forgotten how much I hate that shitting bus. In the 10 years I worked there the trip went from half an hour to 45 minutes. Now just over a year later it's well over an hour. But taxes are bad, right?

Setting the clocks back this week may have saved my fucking life.

So. Settling into the new normal.
the_siobhan: (wormtooth)
Work has been absolutely nuts. They're bringing in some new software that encompasses everything from payroll to telephony and half my team is going to be in training for most of next month, me included. Of course this doesn't preclude having to do our regular jobs, which are already ramping up to get everything ready for the new fiscal year. So everybody is scrambling to get as much set up in advance as possible before we go to this training. Somehow that hasn't translated into any sense of urgency on the part of the people we rely on for information & updates, go figure.

I can handle busy at work or busy at the house, but both together... I start getting a little frayed around my corners, to put it mildly. It became known this past week that we have a big unwanted expense looming over us that we are going to have to deal with whether we can afford it or not. So I crunched the numbers this week - and crunched more numbers, and went holy shit and took out a machete and... we can do it. Just. It means no spending money on anything ever, so goodbye my weekly laptops and pints sessions for the foreseeable future. That sucks, 'cause I really enjoyed those.

You would think that lying awake at night adding up columns of numbers in my head would fill up all the space normally taken up by the random unnecessary shit my anxiety latches onto. Ha ha. No.

Deep breaths. This too will pass.

It fucking better.
the_siobhan: (Sweetums)
I am on Vacation in two days, and it's almost the end of the fiscal year, and I am in training in November and so I am pulling my hair out trying to get everything done before I leave.

One of the Leads here, (the one of raccoon story fame) has taken to walking around the floor whispering "Fire! Fire" just loudly enough for me to hear it as he passes by my desk. So apparently I'm not the only one feeling the pressure.


In other news, Axel is getting a CPAP machine. I checked, and my insurance will pay for it. Hallelujah. I know they also make noise, but I'm hoping it will be the kind of white noise produced by the humidifier or the fans, because I can sleep through those.

In the meantime, I spend most nights in D's room. Which is fine, there's nothing wrong with D's room. (And being in the basement it's often cooler in the summer.) But it's not my room so I don't feel comfortable rearranging things to suit myself.

Wednesday's are usually date night, so last night I got to sleep in my own bed. Except there is some combination of windows closed/windows open in the house that occasionally causes the living room doors to flex and tug when it gets windy outside. So that was happening last night and it kept randomly waking me up because it sounds just like somebody opening the door[1]. And then a particularly heavy gust finally did make the doors pop open, and the cats came padding up the stairs - of course they did, because they aren't allowed upstairs normally and that makes it The Most Interesting Place To Be Ever - then they woke me up, because they are alive things moving around where I don't expect them to be[2].

Fortunately they were complete gentlemen - I'm pretty sure only because they knew they weren't supposed to be there, so they were trying not to get thrown out. I woke up with both of them sitting and staring at me, looking very demure.

So TL;DR version, I got way less sleep than I am really happy with. I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to being able to sleep in for a few days. (when I'm not getting up early for doctor's appointments, fuck me.)


[1]That wouldn't even wake me up on a night when people are home, but because I knew I was alone in the house I woke up every single time.
[2]They don't wake me in D's room, because cats in the room is normal there.
the_siobhan: (fortune)
It's been two months since I made an update with any meat in it. So here ya go.

The big thing (or at least the big thing that is mine so I can talk about it.) is the new job. I got the one year temp job downtown and started it last week. So far I like it here. It's pretty casual, everybody is really nice and although they are incredibly busy it's the kind of busy you get when you have a lot of work to do, and not the kind of busy you get when other people are disorganized or can't make their minds up. I don't know why that makes a difference, but it does. It's also a much better location for me, closer to home and not up in the wilds of the inner suburbs. As an added bonus, whenever they offer courses to the traders I can take them for free.

And the traders do a very loud countdown when the market closes every day. Eventually this may come to irritate me, right now I think it's hilarious.

The basement renos are proving to be just as frustrating as every other time we have tried to do something to the house because people just DO NOT GET BACK TO US, holy fucking fuck people. I found the date when we first started asking for quotes and it was May 25 - seriously, over two fucking months ago. Not. Acceptable. Axel has been the main point person for this because he's home during the day but I told him to say that if they don't start responding to his emails and phone calls, then his wife is going to start calling them, and they do not want that. Because if I have to start calling people while I'm at work, I'm gonna be pissed off at them right out of the starting gate.

The brain chemistry is still mostly holding, which is kind of blowing my mind to be honest. (Pun entirely intended.) I had a couple of rough weeks when the air quality got really bad, like I do every year when Toronto gets into smog season. Anxiety and depression are very much conjoined twins for me and nothing will trigger anxiety quite like not being able to breathe. Knowing what's going on doesn't reduce it, and poor Axel still has to deal with me losing my shit over minor things, but it does make it easier to have some perspective when I know I just have to ride it out until the end of the summer and it will get better by itself. If there is any advantage to being a geezer(™), that's got to be it - the same things mess me up that always have, but I'm a lot calmer about them.

So that's been my last couple of weeks - busy at work, busy at home and way behind on blog-reading.
the_siobhan: (blowfish)
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

I have a job shadow and another interview this week. I am definitely in line for both the jobs I applied for, so I have my fingers crossed that at least one of them comes through for me.

I need to chase after the guy who is putting together the work plan for the basement. I also need to get finished with hauling stuff out of the basement and sorting it. The weekend was pretty much a write-off for getting any of that done because Axel was out of town and I spent most of my time at the hospital, which is on the other side of the city and an hour's journey each way on the subway.

On the plus side, D is out of isolation which meant we could take a walk yesterday and sit in the park for a while. He wasn't expecting to be admitted when he showed up there on Wednesday, so he didn't have a change of clothes or anything with him. I was able to sort that out for him, and I also dropped off his laptop and my Kindle so he is going slightly less stir-crazy with boredom. There may have been a flask on Saturday night, but I'll deny it if anybody asks.

Poly is when your husband and his girlfriend drive you to your boyfriend's apartment so you can feed his cats and pick up his laundry.

Tonight's job is to go through the pile of crap on my desk and figure out if any of them are bills that need paying, because I think it's been a while since I've done that. Not the kind of thing I really want to neglect for too long. The rest of the weekdays will be housework and laundry, then I have an appointment with my ENT on Saturday and the rest of the weekend for dealing with the basement.

Adulting is such a pain. I swear I used to be better at it.
the_siobhan: (psychochicken)
I moved desks today at work. The previous tenant apparently had hoarding tendancies - I have donated staplers, high-lighters and file folders to almost everybody on my team. She also apparently saved all her pencil shavings. OK, maybe not all of them, but a lot. I also found a receipt dated 2016, so um.

Coincidentally I started reading Life of Pi this morning and there is a single throwaway line in a paragraph about Pi sharing meals for the author and how good a cook he is. The line refers to Pi's kitchen being packed with canned goods that fill every cupboard and line every shelf, enough for a famine or a seige. And I went That's it! That's my kitchen! That's what food insecurity does to you.
the_siobhan: (BOOM)
Reading the comments to this letter reassures me that I am not alone on the "just let me do my fucking work that you pay me for and then go the fuck home" bus.

I Do Not Like the recent trend towards wanting work to be "fun". I do not go to work to have fun, I go to work to get paid. Also my co-workers' idea of fun makes me want to chew my own leg off to get away from it.
the_siobhan: (on fire)
Oh God. My co-workers are planning April Fool's Day pranks.

I told them if they are actually going to go through with it they should let me know so I can make plans to work from home tomorrow. Fucking Hell.

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the_siobhan: It means, "to rot" (Default)
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