the_siobhan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_siobhan) wrote2020-01-07 10:52 pm
the_siobhan) wrote2020-01-07 10:52 pm
the hits keep coming and they don't stop coming
Some days breakfast is a cheese sandwich and a shot of bourbon.
I had intended, once the holidays were finally over, to post about how exhausted and peopled-out I was, about how parts were great fun, and parts were frustrating, and how I was looking forward to getting back into my normal routines etc.
Instead I am posting about how my mother died on Thursday.
Some friends decided that New Year's Eve was going to spent burning 2019 in effigy and so we built a fire in my backyard and chucked in drawings and other burnables from the shitty shitty year just finished. I threw in some obituary cards left over from D's funeral. And I said, out loud, with my actual face hole, "All I ask of 2020 is that it not kill anybody I care about. I don't think that's too high a bar to set."
Three days later, I'm texting to E, "2020 HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!"
On the plus side, (if there can ever be a plus side) it was fast and peaceful. She laid down for a nap and went in her sleep. No months of struggle in the hospital this time, and I am very glad that she was spared that particular flavour of bullshit.
Maybe that's why it hasn't really sunk in yet.
I had intended, once the holidays were finally over, to post about how exhausted and peopled-out I was, about how parts were great fun, and parts were frustrating, and how I was looking forward to getting back into my normal routines etc.
Instead I am posting about how my mother died on Thursday.
Some friends decided that New Year's Eve was going to spent burning 2019 in effigy and so we built a fire in my backyard and chucked in drawings and other burnables from the shitty shitty year just finished. I threw in some obituary cards left over from D's funeral. And I said, out loud, with my actual face hole, "All I ask of 2020 is that it not kill anybody I care about. I don't think that's too high a bar to set."
Three days later, I'm texting to E, "2020 HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!"
On the plus side, (if there can ever be a plus side) it was fast and peaceful. She laid down for a nap and went in her sleep. No months of struggle in the hospital this time, and I am very glad that she was spared that particular flavour of bullshit.
Maybe that's why it hasn't really sunk in yet.