I was fortunate in that I have a friend who is an administrator at a local memory care unit of a nursing home, and she was willing to give me some suggestions about where to avoid. My brother did the actual groundwork of calling around and then going to the facilities because he's retired and I was teaching at the time. What he noted was that the tour he got was very different from the experience Mom has had. So, for example, they took him up to the second floor of the facility, where it's airier and more recently remodeled, and, of course, he was given a sort of curated version of what life is like in the facility. The room Mom was first in was NOTHING like the spacious ones that my brother was shown. Later, we were able to move her to a single by virtue of her then being an actual resident, so sometimes it's just a matter of gaining a foothold first. Still, when you're looking into care and/or facilities, keep in mind that you might be being given the "curated" view.

Also, my friend who works in a home said the best thing we can do for Mom's health and safety is show up at different times and different days--not get into a set routine for our visits. If the staff isn't sure when we'll be there, Mom is likely to get more focused help.

It's not that anyone is malicious there; they're just understaffed and seriously overworked. Unfortunately, it does seem that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.