it's a small world and it smells funny

[the_siobhan]

The Epic Purge (A phrase that, now coined, immediately reminds me of one of elixxir's euphemisms for one of her bowel movements) continues to eat the house. I have stacks of things sitting around in massive Don'tTouchThatI'veJustSortedIt piles that must be skirted carefully so as not to fall over and eat the sofa. I keep telling myself the piles are getting vaguely smaller. I've been posting dozens of items to a couple of the local freecycle groups, craigslisting more stuff and Goodwilling the rest.

One of the things that has been driving me mildly around the bend that so few of the Freecycle people show up to claim the items they claim they want. It's free, get off your asses people.

I admit that I tend to be a lot more understanding about delays when the item is something large, bulky or hard to transport - like the desk I just gave away. It was still sitting on the porch when I came home from work the day it was supposed to be picked up. I got an email that night from the woman who wanted it saying she had come by with her boyfriend to get it but that it wouldn't fit into the car he was driving. His SUV would be out of the shop in a few days and she would come back.

So they were in the neighbourhood today and she rang my doorbell. I helped her haul it down the stairs while the boyfriend - who apparently suffers from a herniated disc - waited in the car. As we were wrestling it into the rear hatch he got out of the driver's seat.

The Evil Ex and I looked at each other and said, "Oh.

...

Hi,"

Once we had the desk in the car we made the barest minimum of polite chit-chat before I bolted back into the house. Which is a shame because she seemed quite nice, but I wasn't sure I could maintain the facade of not calling him an AssNugget in front of her for more than a few seconds. As I was leaving he called out that he would email me. I agreed - mostly because then I could call him an AssNugget not in front of her and make it clear that No I Don't Want To Hang Out With You, No We Are Not Friends. Quite frankly I would prefer to do it in person, but I have social rules about bitching people out in public.

Mind you, she could probably tell. Poker face is not one of my super powers.

(For people who have only recently entered the ongoing saga of my ridiculous life - this post is about the Evil Ex.)

Comments

[hellsop.livejournal.com]

Someday, perhaps decades from now, this may become funny... In the meantime, you can content yourself with admiring whatever karma gave him a herniated disc.

[melete.livejournal.com]

Damn. Having that happen to me is one of my worst nightmares.

Poker face is not one of my super powers.

Nor mine. I keep telling myself it is a skill I should learn.

[greylock.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is a small world.

You should buy a new one, if you have the money.

At least he didn't puke on your lawn.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Good lord. Change your email, NOW!

[spikella.livejournal.com]

jeez... sounds like something that would happen to me.

I'm curious to hear how he's The Evil Ex if he's the least bad.

[unagothae.livejournal.com]

Well, goddamn.

Y'know, that's probably going to happen to me someday...and I'm probably not going to be cool enough to not lose my shit and tell him exactly where he can go and how he can get there. I'll even provide directions if necessary ;)

Who needs poker face anyway :)

[sola.livejournal.com]

I swear to god, one day this is going to happen to me with Gabriel's (actuallY) Evil Ex, and i am going to come to in a ring of cops.


On the other hand, that's the most hilarious damn thing i've heard of this week. And yeah, the piles may get smaller on the top, but they're breeding at the bottom, under cover of darkness.

[dali-muse.livejournal.com]

I think that part that most horrifies me is the drunken plea to his Mother to let him in the house! (It's also making me laugh the loudest.)

What an absolute child! Talk about kissing a lot of frogs before you find a prince!

[death4breakfast.livejournal.com]

I have this curse about never being able to avoid exes. They were absolutely unavoidable when I lived in Colorado. I pretty much couldn't go out without running into an ex.

When I moved to Kentucky from Colorado, I was sitting home one night, watching TV and going, "Thank god I have no exes to run into here," I wound up seeing my first ex gf on HBO's Real Sex. Talking about something we'd done.

A few years later, I saw her in an airport while I was flying home to Wisconsin. (We did not speak.)

About seven years ago, I happened across a set of nude pictures of another ex in a Usenet binaries group.

These days, I try not to leave the house or turn on the television if I can avoid it. :)

[girfan.livejournal.com]

One reason I am so glad my exes all live on a different continent than me!

[elixxir.livejournal.com]

While I'm tremendously chuffed to be remembered, like ever, it should pain me that my legacy in this world are my dumps right?

Wow. Universe. Crazy shit, that. Ha. There I go mentioning my bowel movements again, entirely by accident that time.

I'm not well.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Hang on. Some woman whom you've never met sees your ad on Freecycle, shows up with her bf to pick up the desk and the bf turns out to be your EE? I mean, holy crap, what are the odds?

I'm glad that he's just a clueless ex and not a malicious or dangerous one. I just hope he doesn't start thinking that "dropping by for coffee" is a good idea.

I concur with your freecycle woes

[inyou.livejournal.com]

Recently we moved about 30 miles away, from a podunk nowhere college town into the North end of a town that could actually be called a "city" even though there isn't much on the way of PIB nightlife.

When arranging for people to come pick stuff up for miscellaneous furniture that we had accumulated that we no longer needed, and needed to get rid of because we were downsizing to a 2-bedroom apartment instead of a 3-bedroom house with a garage, there was one person in particular that gave a response of "oh I didn't realize it was so big" when the dimensions were in the freecycle posting in the first place.

Another person ended up taking a mattress for a bed and was going to pick up the rest and then my wife got an email back that "my husband says we can't take the bed frame, so do you want me to bring the mattress back?" So we tell her yes because there is a little girl in line next for it that will put it to use. We then hear back in about a day or two's time that "a skunk wandered by a sprayed on the mattress so we won't be bringing it back." BULL! Skunks don't just randomly spray on things. If you were saying you were just going to keep the damn thing just be honest.

Good luck with the purge...

I'm just glad that I think I have gotten my two EE's out of the picture. One from high school; and one shortly after high school where there were awful problems of an abusive step-father and running away from home to escape it and then finding someone online and leaving me for him without telling me in person there was a problem with our relationship.