the_siobhan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
Entry tags:
Looking For A Warpath
I am in one of those moods.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
no subject
I wish I'd known you wanted to go out and get drunk as I was down town and my plans bailed on me but a)I'm sick and suffering dizzy spells thus drinking would be bad b)I'm broke and can't afford booze until that money for the scooter comes through (which I'm starting to get antsy about) and c) I'm on the wrong side of town and just got back home and don't feel like treking all the way out to the right side of town again. But I want to get drunk and beat the shit out of something so I can sympathise... that or hours and hours of sex while stone cold sober. Neither is a possiblity so I'm just going to leave it at that. /shrug/ Yeah Icecream and law and order for matthew. Should I bother getting undressed up? :-P