Hemlock B Bootsalotta

Yesterday went well. Housemate packed up all their stuff in the main floor and took a huge chunk out of the stuff stored upstairs. Most of my contribution was negotiations around, "If I can take X, I'll let you have Y & Z". River's new poop stash was located and cleaned up. There are Even More piles of boxes everywhere, but now the boxes are sorted into my stuff in the kitchen, theirs in the front room.

Still to do: cold room under the porch, backyard shed, storage unit. All much smaller so that should be fast. I have every expectation I will be putting odds and ends into boxes for them the entire time I am cleaning and re-organizing.

***

About two weeks ago I started gently poking at my lawyer. Everything on track? Not that I'm expecting you all aren't entirely competent, but you see I have trust issues. We good? Yes? Yes?

So I cannot say I was shocked that I got up this morning to a message from my lawyers office about they haven't heard from the bank about my re-fi. Reached out to the bank and they said they're waiting on a title change. Lawyers says we can't do that, old mortgage isn't paid out yet. Me: Look, can you people TALK TO EACH OTHER, because I have no idea what's required or in what order, that's supposed to be your jobs. Figure it out and then tell me what you need from me.

We have six more days.

Then I had to go to my doctor to get my scrips renewed and she's like, your blood pressure is higher and this is cause for concern. Ha, ha, let me tell you a story doc. So she signed off on the meds and when she gave me the requisition for all my bloodwork said to get the tests done in a couple of months instead of right away. I expect I'll be fine by then. Today my blood is probably toxic to pets and small children.

When I got home the contractor was in my basement dealing with the flood. Did I mention my basement flooded? We've had thunderstorms last couple of nights with the heat and my basement flooded. So we talked and he apparently has been consulting with a guy who specializes in wells for rural properties and so we discussed what he's going to do next. It sounded good from a layman's perspective so have at, go crazy.

And then I wandered from room to room and looked at all the piles of boxes and all the stuff that still has to be sorted out and my brain went nope not today and I just wandered right back on out again.

So I guess I'll pick it back up tomorrow.

( to-do list cut to save your dashboard )

Question from July 17 (I am never getting caught up here, am I?)
17 – Tattoo Day: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, how many, what and where are they? If you don't, would you ever consider getting one? Is yes, where on your body would it be, and what would you likely get tattooed? If no, why not?

I have three tattoos. A Pegasus on my shoulder that I got when I was 18, tribal piece on my calf from my 30s and a scorpion on my back I got just before the pandemic started.

I would love to have more ink, but it's expensive and I always seem to have important things to do with my money.

***

House progress! Contractor sent me this picture from the back.


You know, looking at that picture it looks like they put the basement door directly under the kitchen door? Not sure how they're planning on dealing with that, they were supposed to be beside each other.

And of course the utter chaos on our itty bitty front yard. Honestly, our neighbours are so patient.


Also visible in that picture, the cracks in our porch where the rebar frame has completely rusted away and the broken steps. Because This Fucking House.

***

It is a billion fucking degrees in Toronto this weekend. I finally gave up and sealed up the place as well as I could and turned on the air conditioning so I'll be able to sleep.

So of course I'm wearing socks because their is a cold air vent right under my desk so my feet are cold. While the rest of me is dripping sweat. Bodies are so stupid.

My sister interviewed me today for a book she's writing about menopause. So maybe it's just menopausal bodies that are stupid. One of the questions was about a list of reported effects she has collected and one of them was "smelling different" and I said "YES! I smelled different after my hysterectomy! And again when I hit menopause. And now on hormones I'm different again!" It's really disconcerting.

So it's not just me being weird again.

***

I am going to have to do some serious number-crunching and figure out where I can trim my budget because money is... not great. Everything is costing more than it was supposed to, and every delay adds to our expenses. We have a certain amount that gets put aside every month out of the household budget that is supposed to go to the renovation account, but it's being almost completely eaten by the cost of storage. Housemate and I had a conversation about seeing if we can rearrange the furniture in such a way that we can fit in more boxes because that would let us scale back on the size of storage we are paying for. That would definitely help. I'm supposed to take a week of vacation at some point this month, so it would be good timing.

IN THEORY I should be able to rearrange the stuff that's stayed in the house if the renos are going to be finished in the next few months. Like if I know I won't need it before next summer, it can go behind a stack of boxes. BUT I HAVE BEEN BURNED BEFORE PEOPLE.

***

More appointments for Old Man next week. More work stuff I'm trying to organize. I have to have a difficult conversation with my boss next week. Ugh. I am so burned out.

I once met a group of (decidedly drunk) people in a Hamilton gay bar. My ex drove them all home and whenever he asked for directions by saying, "Straight through here?" they would all yell in unison, "NO! GAYLY FORWARD!"

So you know. The only way past is gayly forward.

Ugh. My coffee is cold. I think yesterday's coffee didn't get emptied out of the carafe.

***

21 – International Sweatpants Day: Thanks to Covid, many of us have probably lived in sweatpants for the better part of the last couple of years. If this is true for you, has that experience impacted your choice of "work" clothes? Do you now seek out non-sweatpants trousers that mimic sweatpants, e.g. elasticized/drawstring waistbands, stretchier material, etc.? If Covid didn't really impact your clothing choices, do you wear sweatpants?
22 – Celebration of Life Day: Every now and then, it’s a good idea to take some time off so you can refocus yourself. It’s about stepping back and looking at your life from a different perspective so that you can appreciate everything that you have. How would you celebrate your life? What can you be proud of having achieved?
23 – Handwriting Day: Do you still write by hand? Can you write (and read) cursive? Do you think cursive should be taught in schools?
24 – Peanut Butter Day: Do you like peanut butter? What is your favourite way to eat peanut butter?
25 – A Room of One's Own Day: Did you have a room of your own when you were growing up, or did you have to share with siblings? Do you have a room of your own now? If you do, what do you use it for? Is it a bedroom or something else?
26 – Australia Day: If you are not Australian, have you ever been to Australia? How much do you know about Australia? If you went to school somewhere other than Australia, how much were you taught about Australia in school?
27 – Fun at Work Day: Do you think work should be fun? How much fun do you expect to have at work?
28 – Global Community Engagement Day: Do you feel engaged with your community? How important do you think it is to feel that you belong in your community?

I am Team Yoga Pants, getting here is my biggest accomplishment, I think cursive is less useful now in the age of computers and screens, I like peanut butter in food like sauces and chocolates but not on it's own, I had my own room by virtue of being the oldest and I will never share a room again if I can help it, the gf & I were supposed to go to Australia in 2020 but did not for obvious reasons. "Fun" at work is a fucking plague. I am there to earn money, leave me the fuck alone. I like my community, I know my neighbours and the people around here tend to be very politically & socially engaged which is something I very much appreciate.

29 – Curmudgeons' Day: What is a curmudgeon? Do you know any curmudgeons? What do you think of them? Today is also Freethinkers' Day. Do you think a curmudgeon might be just a freethinker?

Curmudgeon is just a more polite way of saying Grumpy Old Fuck.

I am definitely a Grumpy Old Fuck - see my response to #27. I am just so fucking overloaded all the time, I have no patience for faffing about with stuff that isn't useful. I get that for other people it often makes the day go faster, but I'm busy, for fuck sake leave me alone.

***

But I am le tired.

Yesterday was brutal - The Old Man went home and that means touching base with his residence, the home care, the ambulance service (a private service? That's new.) filling out forms for the hospital social worker, and his family was blowing up my phone. Plus I was in meetings all day at work, so I'm juggling my phone and my laptop at the same time. End of day rolled around and I just collapsed. I have more forms to fill in today.

I dunno man, I'm starting to hit that phase of exhaustion where I have to drag myself though the simplest tasks. I just can't seem to focus. I'm still doing the daily exercise thing or I figure I'd be a lot worse, but it's like dragging myself backwards through pudding to force myself through it.

I guess it's not really a surprise I'm not writing.

Question of the Day: Global Family Day: How do you define family?

There is a Robert Frost poem. "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." That's pretty much how I define family - the people who are stuck with you. If you play your cards right and get lucky, that can be by choice.

***

I spent yesterday doing chores, then had a glass of wine at midnight and watched the fireworks going off outside from my window. Today I am doing some prep cooking and playing video games.

Tomorrow I will turn 60. Six. Zero.

No shit.

I mean, I used to have had some... pretty pronounced self-destructive tendencies for a large chunk of my life. I am genuinely astonished to still be here. (Albeit with some of the long-term health repercussions of those tendencies. Nobody gets away with that many head injuries completely scott-free.)

Huh. Sixty. How about that.

***

The holidays were good, although I ended up letting myself be pushed way past my normal comfort zone around being exposed to a bunch of strangers. (How's that for not being twenty any more.) This year I have promised myself I will do more outside stuff in the summer with my family, it will mean I can more easily say no to high-risk activities in the indoor months.

***

Pretty sure this is going to be an eventful year in the Gin Palace. Money is going to be a problem. We'll see if I'm still living here at the end of 2023.

***

For the fanfic writers, Martha Wells has posted about a company that is scraping fanfic sites and selling the stolen stories on Amazon.
https://marthawells.dreamwidth.org/601475.html)

Surprise dog has now gone home. She was a very nice dog, and it wasn't her fault she was a surprise, but I'm still glad she has returned to her owner. The cats are even happier about it. They were not thrilled to have her here to put it mildly.

***

Old Man is still in the hospital. Last time I saw him he was really out of it - apparently delirium is really common for older people when they have an ongoing infection, but he was really disconnected, to the point I wasn't sure if he knew who I was. I've spoken to his medical team about it and they assure me he's getting better, but of course I'm worried. And I can't visit him right now because there is Covid on his floor.

From the last update his infections are cleared up and they are looking to get him into rehab, but beds are scarce right now so it might take a while. Last time the rehab really snapped him back to normal, so I have hopes it will do the same the second time around.

***

Renos are on pause because the guy who is scheduled to deal with the foundations is on another job this week and nothing can happen without his expertise. Next week, I am told.

***

I have been sleeping like shit. Too much worry I guess. Tonight I am sitting here with a glass of chamomile tea and I'm hoping that helps.

On the plus side, the time I am not spending sleeping makes it really easy to write. On the minus side, I'm too tired and unfocused to do much else that's useful.

I do have a bunch of vacation days I have to take next week, so hopefully I'll manage to make those productive. And sleep some.

Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

I had been considering hosting Write Every Day this month, but now I'm glad I didn't. Work is offering overtime for this week and next so that should effectively suck every last cell out of my brain.

Having said that, I'm still planning on doing NaDruWriNi. And some friends have decided to start meeting online to write on a weekly basis so I'm very much going to try to do that too.

***

The work on the house is still waiting on the survey. After not hearing anything for three weeks I reached out to the company and got told "six to eight weeks, so probably early December". An hour later a guy knocked on our door and announced that he was here to do the survey. He spent the day taking measurements and I haven't heard a word since. So I have no idea what's going on.

In the meantime the house is pretty much packed up, so we're ready to go whenever.

***

I told my therapist about a worry that had been really eating away at me and she laughed. Laughed! I didn't know they were allowed to that.

But I did have to admit that it sounded really stupid when I said it out loud. So I guess there's that.

Kinda fell off the world for a few weeks there. Sometimes I have to walk away from people for a short while and think about how maybe setting everything on fire is not the cleansing path forward I am really looking for.

(I have a self-destructive streak a mile wide, but I am not a fucking idiot. Well not an entire one, anyway.)

Had my first appointment with a therapist today. They body knows, she told me. Also had a massage today for the first time in two years. These things are both self-care.

So what did I miss?

And now sleeping brain is back to "being dumped" and "on the subway without a mask" and "being dumped while on the subway not wearing a mask".

For fuck sake, brain.

On the plus side I was taking the subway to visit my Guelph peeps, so that part was nice. They were kind enough to lend me a bathrobe because I forgot to wear pants.

To be fair, the possibility of forgetting to wear pants when I leave the house is becoming less far-fetched by the day.

***

They offered overtime to my team this week and that doesn't happen very often so I'm grabbing all the hours I can. I am exhausted. Also it means I haven't had time to do any writing or anything else. It's been work, grab dinner, do dishes, try to do at least one household chore and then fall into bed. I have vacation at the end of the month, so if I can power through the next couple of weeks I get a break.

I'm planning on spending this vacation time writing, so it will be kinda like being at work but without the timesheets.

***

The Axe is back in the house full time and the cats are So. Happy.

***

Our "get the living room sorted" project hit a major snag because our cheap IKEA shelves didn't survive transplanting very well. IKEA loves proprietary screws that require a weird size of allan key and are made out of butter so they shred on contact. So now everything is piled on the dining table while we wait for the new screws we ordered to show up in the mail.

If it doesn't rain tomorrow maybe I'll patch up the front steps. And the battle against entropy continues.

I had an extremely vivid dream last night that I went absolutely apeshit on some git who threw his gum in my face for a laugh.

OK, so maybe I'm more tense about this covid thing than I realized.