Looking For A Warpath

[the_siobhan]

I am in one of those moods.

I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.

Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.

Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.

I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.

I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight


...


I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.

Comments

[ferretboi.livejournal.com]

Siobhan your ancestors were Celts of course they were nomads. As for ambition I think you are right really it's the struggle not the goal that matters.

I wish I'd known you wanted to go out and get drunk as I was down town and my plans bailed on me but a)I'm sick and suffering dizzy spells thus drinking would be bad b)I'm broke and can't afford booze until that money for the scooter comes through (which I'm starting to get antsy about) and c) I'm on the wrong side of town and just got back home and don't feel like treking all the way out to the right side of town again. But I want to get drunk and beat the shit out of something so I can sympathise... that or hours and hours of sex while stone cold sober. Neither is a possiblity so I'm just going to leave it at that. /shrug/ Yeah Icecream and law and order for matthew. Should I bother getting undressed up? :-P

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Fucking hell woman, it's like you and I have been living in each other's minds lately.

Nothing's moving fast enough for me either. How soon is now? Not bloody well soon enough.

Which direction do I go in first to make it start happening? Fucked if I know.

It's the end of C8 that's thrown me into all this turmoil. I still have all that mad energy and nothing to focus it on. I must be some kind of sick masochist.

[missshirley.livejournal.com]

Ah-ha!!!

The old "I used to have shitloads of stuff to do and not enough time to do it, and now I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs" post Convergence letdown.

Happens after every big event to some degree.

You're supposed to milk it for all it's worth; read magazines, drink cocktails, slump in front of the TV and watch stupid sitcoms - until you can't take it anymore and come up with something new to work on just so you don't go insane.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Well, I have been watching lots of movies. I rented Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, which was fluffy to the max. Like..totally!

Manhunter was good and creepy, and I'm watching it again just to catch all the details.
I still have The People Vs. Larry Flynt at home too.

[lisiblac.livejournal.com]

I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.

You and me both sister. *siiiiiiiiiiigh* What I would do for a line of shots and ten packs of smokes . . .

I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight.

I am enjoying this concept immensely.

Fury

[montieth.livejournal.com]

Go paintballing or something. It won't get you thrown in jail and you get exercise too. You get to shoot things at other people for fun! Try it!

Re: Fury

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Go paintballing or something. It won't get you thrown in jail and you get exercise too. You get to shoot things at other people for fun! Try it!

Ever heard that joke about the FBI candidates who go through a testing process in which they are instructed to kill their spouse and given a gun loaded with blanks? The punchline is that the men fail the test, but when the woman candidate discovers that the gun won't kill him, she beats her husband to death with a chair.

That would be me playing paintball.

All humour aside, really strenuous exercise is definitely on my list of things that help hugely when I am like this. Not because they get rid of the "I want to kill something" feeling, but because it helps me focus it. I end up having more energy to attack the things that I really want to, which is really the root thing that helps.

Oh yeah, and um, lots of sex. That too.