the_siobhan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
Entry tags:
Looking For A Warpath
I am in one of those moods.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
no subject
Nothing's moving fast enough for me either. How soon is now? Not bloody well soon enough.
Which direction do I go in first to make it start happening? Fucked if I know.
It's the end of C8 that's thrown me into all this turmoil. I still have all that mad energy and nothing to focus it on. I must be some kind of sick masochist.
no subject
The old "I used to have shitloads of stuff to do and not enough time to do it, and now I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs" post Convergence letdown.
Happens after every big event to some degree.
You're supposed to milk it for all it's worth; read magazines, drink cocktails, slump in front of the TV and watch stupid sitcoms - until you can't take it anymore and come up with something new to work on just so you don't go insane.
no subject
Manhunter was good and creepy, and I'm watching it again just to catch all the details.
I still have The People Vs. Larry Flynt at home too.