the_siobhan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
the_siobhan) wrote2002-07-10 06:28 pm
Entry tags:
Looking For A Warpath
I am in one of those moods.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
I want to fight with something. Drag it out of dark smokey bar into an equally dark smokey alley and go Judge Dredd all over it.
Things are not moving fast enough for me, and I am restless and malevolent.
Funny how my thoughts always bounce off the input of others. 50_ft_queenie talks about ambition and how it drives her -- and I find myself thinking that I am not driven by ambition. It's not the will to succeed that keeps me going. It's some weird biological need to always be moving. As if my ancestors were nomads.
I've had one of those "eventful" lives but at one point I actually thought I had finally achieved a shape in my life that would allow me to rest, to relax -- and I fell into the worst depression of my life. Like water that goes stagnant when it pools, I have to always be moving, chasing, fighting, beating the shit out of something or having the shit beat of me. Or I go septic.
I don't want to be rich or famous or powerful. I want every last fucking thing that stands between me and being rich or famous or powerful to know that it's been in a goddamn fight
...
I really really really want to go out and get roaring drunk tonight.
Re: Fury
Ever heard that joke about the FBI candidates who go through a testing process in which they are instructed to kill their spouse and given a gun loaded with blanks? The punchline is that the men fail the test, but when the woman candidate discovers that the gun won't kill him, she beats her husband to death with a chair.
That would be me playing paintball.
All humour aside, really strenuous exercise is definitely on my list of things that help hugely when I am like this. Not because they get rid of the "I want to kill something" feeling, but because it helps me focus it. I end up having more energy to attack the things that I really want to, which is really the root thing that helps.
Oh yeah, and um, lots of sex. That too.