the_siobhan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_siobhan) wrote2020-07-05 11:43 am
the_siobhan) wrote2020-07-05 11:43 am
Entry tags:
can't afford any artificial joy
Could NOT sleep last night. No idea why. Wasn't even about fireworks. Possibly brain chemistry. My brain has been pretty good for the last few months, but "pretty good" on the Siobhan scale is still never going to mean without the nasty intrusive monologue.
My experiment with reduced drinking meant that I could really tell how much more my brain hates me the day after I do drink, so now I'm experimenting with stopping altogether. I will be so pissed off if it actually makes enough of a difference that I have to quit. I like drinking. It's pretty much the only vice I have left.
***
Doing all this exercising is fantastic for the body dysphoria. I can do push-ups again!
***
I had a weird interaction on Kijiji this week. (The Canadian version of Craigslist) We've been able to purge some household items this past week, including a massive worktable I've been using as a computer desk. We put it on the porch and I put up it on Kijiji as a free item. Free stuff always gets a lot of interest and normally I start with the first person to respond and work my way down the list in order, offering it to each person in turn. If they can't take it or pull a no-show I go to the next person. Only in this case one of the last people to respond just... showed up and took it off the porch, before I even had a chance to email him about it. Best I can figure is that Kijiji makes you put in your postal code, which in our high-density neighbourhood is less than 10 houses. He must have found it on the map and just driven up the street until he spotted the desk and loaded it into his van.
I'm more than a little skeeved by this. I have a woman renting a vehicle and driving down from Sudbury to pick up another item I'm giving away and if she showed up and found it missing I think she'd be entirely justified in being upset. So I guess now I'm keeping it inside the house until she gets here.
***
I'm walking to the clinic for another test again later today so I can visit the old man again. I'm also hoping to go to a defund police rally tomorrow. It's a billionty degrees outside right now, and I'm really not looking forward to either of these things.
My experiment with reduced drinking meant that I could really tell how much more my brain hates me the day after I do drink, so now I'm experimenting with stopping altogether. I will be so pissed off if it actually makes enough of a difference that I have to quit. I like drinking. It's pretty much the only vice I have left.
***
Doing all this exercising is fantastic for the body dysphoria. I can do push-ups again!
***
I had a weird interaction on Kijiji this week. (The Canadian version of Craigslist) We've been able to purge some household items this past week, including a massive worktable I've been using as a computer desk. We put it on the porch and I put up it on Kijiji as a free item. Free stuff always gets a lot of interest and normally I start with the first person to respond and work my way down the list in order, offering it to each person in turn. If they can't take it or pull a no-show I go to the next person. Only in this case one of the last people to respond just... showed up and took it off the porch, before I even had a chance to email him about it. Best I can figure is that Kijiji makes you put in your postal code, which in our high-density neighbourhood is less than 10 houses. He must have found it on the map and just driven up the street until he spotted the desk and loaded it into his van.
I'm more than a little skeeved by this. I have a woman renting a vehicle and driving down from Sudbury to pick up another item I'm giving away and if she showed up and found it missing I think she'd be entirely justified in being upset. So I guess now I'm keeping it inside the house until she gets here.
***
I'm walking to the clinic for another test again later today so I can visit the old man again. I'm also hoping to go to a defund police rally tomorrow. It's a billionty degrees outside right now, and I'm really not looking forward to either of these things.
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Then again, people get super weird and creepy about free/cheap things. I've put up a ton of stuff for sale from my office, and the AGITA that actual therapists will express over not immediately having access to 100% of the info they want about a goddamn free/near free item of little significance, jesus fucking christ.
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Ain't that a mood.
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