I think friends owe you respect, courtesy, and some amount of caring.
The other things, I think, depend on whether or not they reflect a lack of said respect, courtesy, and caring. And on your own personal limits and boundaries. Frex, if you're laid back about time yourself, the tardiness won't bother you, and your friends will know that, so no problem. But in other cases, repeated tardiness might reflect a lack of respect or value for your time -- it might even be a passive-aggressive way of controlling your time or undermining your plans. If it's part of a pattern of disrespectful or controlling behavior, that's a problem. If it's just that they're not good with time themselves, then you might have to limit your dates with them to things that are not too time-critical, but that certainly doesn't rule out friendship.
Explanation: I think that generally if someone was actually a friend and you cut them off, yes you owe them an explanation, as a basic courtesy. On the other hand, the responsibility to get in touch has to run both ways, and I think that if you stop contacting them and they never contact you after that, then I think it can be chalked up to a mutual loss of interest in each other. I've let some friendships go that way, when it felt like I was a lot more interested in the friendship than the other person, and sure enough, that was confirmed when I stopped going out of my way to contact them and just never heard from them again.
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zvi
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-24 05:41 pm (UTC)The other things, I think, depend on whether or not they reflect a lack of said respect, courtesy, and caring. And on your own personal limits and boundaries. Frex, if you're laid back about time yourself, the tardiness won't bother you, and your friends will know that, so no problem. But in other cases, repeated tardiness might reflect a lack of respect or value for your time -- it might even be a passive-aggressive way of controlling your time or undermining your plans. If it's part of a pattern of disrespectful or controlling behavior, that's a problem. If it's just that they're not good with time themselves, then you might have to limit your dates with them to things that are not too time-critical, but that certainly doesn't rule out friendship.
Explanation: I think that generally if someone was actually a friend and you cut them off, yes you owe them an explanation, as a basic courtesy. On the other hand, the responsibility to get in touch has to run both ways, and I think that if you stop contacting them and they never contact you after that, then I think it can be chalked up to a mutual loss of interest in each other. I've let some friendships go that way, when it felt like I was a lot more interested in the friendship than the other person, and sure enough, that was confirmed when I stopped going out of my way to contact them and just never heard from them again.