under the ocean where the old church used to be

( Questions of Days )

***

Found out what the issue is with the construction - apparently the kitchens for the houses on both sides of ours have no foundations under them, so our side walls have to be set in a bit closer to make room for structural reinforcement, and the back wall has been extended out a foot to make up the difference. So the plans have to be adjusted slightly and the engineer needs to sign off on the changes. I am informed that this will not impact the permits.

OK then.

***

An appointment has been made to have a technician show up and fix our internet. It has been deteriorating to the point where I'm resetting it every 20 minutes and it takes five minutes to reboot. This is not good for my ability to hold down a job.

The internet is in the house-mate's name. There was shouting. I am not a fan of the fact that shouting must be employed to get the housemate to take care of their shit, but it appears to be what works so I guess I’m just going to roll with that.

The tech is supposed to show up tomorrow. Fingers crossed. House mate has fucked off for the weekend because of course they have so I have rearranged my schedule to be here. If the tech doesn’t show up, there will be more shouting.

***

This has meant a lot of hauling the meat suit up and down the stairs. Fortunately the knee is back to normal size and I can bend it almost completely so the cursing and spitting has been dying down.

***

I feel stuck.

I’m bored and tired of doing nothing but working all the time. I can’t go anywhere because I’m not spending money right now. I am pretty much living completely in my bedroom and office. I see my girlfriend once a week, which is lovely, but I’m restless. Also more than a little bit jealous of my sister, who is in Greece right now.

I have promised myself that this summer I’m going to take advantage of warm weather and actually spend some time not in this fucking house. There are Jane’s walks and Open Doors and shit I can do around the city. I can book a couple of days of vacation mid-week when nothing is busy and rent a car and fuck off to go hike a trail on the weekends. I can visit friends and do outside stuff. I really need to stock up on emotional food in the summer, because the winters are looong and boring.

I think mostly I am just tired of being in a holding pattern for the last multiple bloody years, but there are things I can do that are not working and running other peoples’s lives and I need to invest in that for the sake of my own sanity.

 THIS WILL ALL HAPPEN SOON, but in the meantime I am chewing the inside of my own head out. It's not pretty.