My bitch is only that it oftentimes feels like it's a lot of energy to constantly be checking and re-checking that I am careful enough of other people's needs and I am always terribly shamed and unhappy and wearied when I fuck it up.
It is a lot of energy, and it does very often feel like a drag. I often ask myself "what will take up more energy - checking people's boundaries first, or repairing misunderstandings and hurt feelings after the fact if I don't check people's boundaries?"
Re: feeling ashamed and unhappy. Do you think that you're being harder on yourself than the people that you hurt are?
I want to give my friends the benefit of doubt, and I don't expect any of them to be perfect. When they hurt me, all I really want is an honest apology, and if needed, to talk about what happened and how to avoid it. Having my feelings acknowledged is a Big Thing for me.
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zvi
Re: defining fragility
Date: 2002-09-30 06:07 pm (UTC)It is a lot of energy, and it does very often feel like a drag. I often ask myself "what will take up more energy - checking people's boundaries first, or repairing misunderstandings and hurt feelings after the fact if I don't check people's boundaries?"
Re: feeling ashamed and unhappy. Do you think that you're being harder on yourself than the people that you hurt are?
I want to give my friends the benefit of doubt, and I don't expect any of them to be perfect. When they hurt me, all I really want is an honest apology, and if needed, to talk about what happened and how to avoid it. Having my feelings acknowledged is a Big Thing for me.