You keep referring to hurt, and I keep talking about injury.
The fact was never really made explicitly clear until now, but it does account for a lot of the disconnect we’ve been having during this discussion.
I am not talking about physical damage or injury, in any way, shape or form. I never have been. All of my comments have been referring, specifically and explicitly, to emotional damage. Seen within that context, your comments make more sense, and I hope some of mine make more sense to you.
And I apologize right here and now for feeling this way, because I know it's horribly dismissive, but every time you respond to my talking about "hurt" by saying, "when somebody hurts my feelings", my immediate gut-level reaction is to think that this is reasoning that could only come from somebody who has never been beaten up.
Yes, my reasoning does come from someone who has not been beaten up in a very long time. I can only comment from my own experience or lack thereof.
It’s been two decades since I’ve been beaten up, and I’m not suggesting that being beaten up and being hurt emotionally are in any way comparable. Maybe it would help if I clarified what I mean. I’m not talking about hurt feelings in an “you called me a name on the playground” kind of way. I’m talking about a serious betrayal or disappointment in someone. I’m talking about someone who attacks you on a very primal level, betrays your trust. That kind of hurt.
If someone beat the crap out of me, raped me, threw me off a cliff, injured someone I care about, then “sorry” wouldn’t do a damn thing to help. On that point, I agree with you completely. Just to be absolutely clear, at no point during this discussion was I ever trying to imply that being hurt physically and being hurt emotionally are the same and should be handled as such. I apologize if you felt that I was trivializing your arguments in any way.
And even so, once I've been stabbed, no matter how sorry the person is, I'm unlikely to want to hang around with them much if they continue to carry knives on their person.
Agreed. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiving can mean “I am no longer angry at you for the situation that just happened, but I’ll be damned if I ever put myself in a similar situation with you again”.
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zvi
Re: defining fragility
Date: 2002-10-02 01:04 pm (UTC)The fact was never really made explicitly clear until now, but it does account for a lot of the disconnect we’ve been having during this discussion.
I am not talking about physical damage or injury, in any way, shape or form. I never have been. All of my comments have been referring, specifically and explicitly, to emotional damage. Seen within that context, your comments make more sense, and I hope some of mine make more sense to you.
And I apologize right here and now for feeling this way, because I know it's horribly dismissive, but every time you respond to my talking about "hurt" by saying, "when somebody hurts my feelings", my immediate gut-level reaction is to think that this is reasoning that could only come from somebody who has never been beaten up.
Yes, my reasoning does come from someone who has not been beaten up in a very long time. I can only comment from my own experience or lack thereof.
It’s been two decades since I’ve been beaten up, and I’m not suggesting that being beaten up and being hurt emotionally are in any way comparable. Maybe it would help if I clarified what I mean. I’m not talking about hurt feelings in an “you called me a name on the playground” kind of way. I’m talking about a serious betrayal or disappointment in someone. I’m talking about someone who attacks you on a very primal level, betrays your trust. That kind of hurt.
If someone beat the crap out of me, raped me, threw me off a cliff, injured someone I care about, then “sorry” wouldn’t do a damn thing to help. On that point, I agree with you completely. Just to be absolutely clear, at no point during this discussion was I ever trying to imply that being hurt physically and being hurt emotionally are the same and should be handled as such. I apologize if you felt that I was trivializing your arguments in any way.
And even so, once I've been stabbed, no matter how sorry the person is, I'm unlikely to want to hang around with them much if they continue to carry knives on their person.
Agreed. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiving can mean “I am no longer angry at you for the situation that just happened, but I’ll be damned if I ever put myself in a similar situation with you again”.