Hemlock B Bootsalotta

I know I have been in similiar situation, but the odd thing is I can't see it from where I am now. I had years in Chicago where I didn't leave the house except for existance (goto work, come home) and that took talking myself into it every day. But the odd part is that when I look back on that time I almost see it as a spectator. Many other points in my life I can think back and know what I was feeling / thinking but not the pits of depression.