it was the best of lemons, it was the worst of limes

[the_siobhan]

I've been trying to cut down on my caffeine consumption. I've had a killer headache for two days that has been completely impervious to any kind of painkiller, including codeine. Today I finally broke down and bought myself a coffee.

My head feels fine.

Can you say, "addict"?

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What is the best bad movie you've ever seen? What is the worst?

My best is an old black-and-white called The Creeping Terror. It's one of those things that you only ever see on television at 4 in the morning after you've been out gettin' stupid all evening. It was supposedly about an alien monster that crash-landed on earth and went around eating people, but the monster was a shag carpet with some guy underneath it. Occasionally you could see his feet sticking out. It was so low budget they didn't have a sound-stage - they used a narrator who explained what was happening. We started keeping count of how many times we saw the same actors being devoured more than once. The monster would magically just appear inside buildings with no explanation of how it got there, and the scale kept changing. And the entire ending was narrated - they didn't even bother to play it out.

My favourite scene was where the monster attacks a couple who are making out in a car. After a ten minute of roaring and heaving, the monster finally devours the man. Then the terrifying shag rug turns back towards the car, and instead of being half-way to Istanbul, the chick is still sitting there. I thought I was gonna pee.

The absolute worst movie I have ever seen in my life has to be Event Horizon. The premise was interesing enough - somebody invents a drive that allows a spaceship to cross through dimensions and so travel faster than light speed. Except that the dimensions change the nature of the ship and the crew goes mad.

The actual execution sucked beyond suckage. Instead of doing something interesting with it, they turned the dimension into hell and made it a typical scream-and-chase flick. Since nobody is actually afraid of hell, they couldn't manage scary, so they just made the movie really startling. It would be really quiet quiet quiet quiet quiet then REALLY FUCKING LOUD NOISE. Really dark dark dark dark dark then sudden REALLY FUCKING BRIGHT LIGHT. As a friend put it, "By the end I was afraid of the movie."

So whatcha' got?

Comments

Here's what I got

[caydenza.livejournal.com]

Wean yourself off of coffee/cola by addicting yourself to green or white tea. It has the caffeine (a little less than coffee, so you may have to drink a little more), but it doesn't build a dependency. Plus, green and white tea are PACKED with antioxidants, so you build up your body and immune system at the same time. Finally, tea is a lot cheaper than other forms of caffeine. Trust me, I've seen people do this. It can work if you stick with it.

Best movie ever: Blade Runner, the Director's Cut. Simply the Best. Pure. Science. Fiction. Movie. EVAH. Practically no special effects, just great cinematography and set design, plus great acting. You have to get the Director's Cut because in the original version they added a lame-ass voice-over because they assumed the audience would be too dumb to follow the plot. The Director's Cut also includes the unicorn dream, which makes the whole movie make sense. Honorable mentions go to Strange Days and Cube.

Worst movie ever: Disney's The Black Hole. Everything about this movie sucked. I saw it once when I was about 8, and even then knew I would never see a worse movie in my life. Somehow, Anthony Perkins is in it.

Re: Here's what I got

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Bladerunner is a fantastic movie. I wouldn't put in the "good for being bad" category at all. But I can see how some people might fit all science fiction into that slot.

Oops

[caydenza.livejournal.com]

I completely misread your post. No, Blade Runner doesn't belong in the best bad movie category. Neither does Strange Days or Cube. Instead, I have a soft spot in my heart for Waterworld. If only because it was the next movie I saw after the remake of Planet of the Apes, which made it seem like an effin' masterpiece by comparison. PotA the remake, btw, gets runner up in the worst movie ever category for me.

Re: Oops

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I loved Strange Days.