If you're thinking of attachment disorders though, wouldn't that rule out all adoption? Of course, that's not what you're really saying, but there is a slippery slope argument there.
I'm just saying, minimize the risk as much as we reasonably can. I don't think it would be reasonable to rule out all adoption, obviously. To minimize the number of changes a baby is likely to have to go through, though, I do think is reasonable and worthwile.
And, I mean minimize the traumatic experiences at the time, as well as minimize the risk of long-term damage.
You just said that you think most are fine? Or do you mean that most are traumatized but then become fine later. Sorry, bit confused as to what you're saying.
I mean most are traumatized -- the experience is painful -- at the time, but most turn out fine in the long run.
But, even if we *knew* that a particular baby would turn out fine (say we had some way to test for a predisposition to attachment disorder, or something), I don't think that would mean that we shouldn't still do what we can to minimize their pain, trauma, or discomfort in the here and now.
I don't mean to be coming off as telling you what your experience was, truly. I just don't think either of us can *know* how you experienced it as an infant. I do find it very hard to believe that any infant could go through a separation without some very real emotional pain. Exactly what that experience is, though -- how much pain, how long? -- I'm sure is highly individual.
And, I also think it's valid to say that none of this really happened to *you*, in the sense that "you" are the collection of experiences that you can remember. It's more like, this happened to the infant who eventually became you. We know that nothing that happened to her stopped her from becoming a pretty okay you, and that's great! But if she was here today, I'd still want to make things as nice, and as low-risk, as possible for her, in all ways.
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zvi
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-04 04:36 pm (UTC)I'm just saying, minimize the risk as much as we reasonably can. I don't think it would be reasonable to rule out all adoption, obviously. To minimize the number of changes a baby is likely to have to go through, though, I do think is reasonable and worthwile.
And, I mean minimize the traumatic experiences at the time, as well as minimize the risk of long-term damage.
You just said that you think most are fine? Or do you mean that most are traumatized but then become fine later. Sorry, bit confused as to what you're saying.
I mean most are traumatized -- the experience is painful -- at the time, but most turn out fine in the long run.
But, even if we *knew* that a particular baby would turn out fine (say we had some way to test for a predisposition to attachment disorder, or something), I don't think that would mean that we shouldn't still do what we can to minimize their pain, trauma, or discomfort in the here and now.
I don't mean to be coming off as telling you what your experience was, truly. I just don't think either of us can *know* how you experienced it as an infant. I do find it very hard to believe that any infant could go through a separation without some very real emotional pain. Exactly what that experience is, though -- how much pain, how long? -- I'm sure is highly individual.
And, I also think it's valid to say that none of this really happened to *you*, in the sense that "you" are the collection of experiences that you can remember. It's more like, this happened to the infant who eventually became you. We know that nothing that happened to her stopped her from becoming a pretty okay you, and that's great! But if she was here today, I'd still want to make things as nice, and as low-risk, as possible for her, in all ways.
I hope that makes sense...