an adventure in six blocks

[the_siobhan]

I got spam today entitled "The Rodent Not Taken". Only a few of you are familiar with the ongoing saga that is trying to get a reluctant ball python to eat, so the rest of you won't get the joke. But trust me, it was hilarious.

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I am highly amused to notice that posters advertising an upcoming night of bands doing Handsome Ned covers is being billed as, "The Night Of The Living Ned."

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I tried riding Axel's bike the other day. Normally he picks up our green food box because the box will fit on the back of his bike and not on mine. (My seat is bigger.) But since he's in Vancouver, I figured I'd just borrow his bike to do it. I wrestle the empty box onto the bike and strap everything down. I only once manage to clip a knuckle with a flying bungee cord, which is actually pretty good for me.

First off, I can't reach the pedals.

It's really unusual for a guy to have longer legs than I do - even men who are taller than me - but seriously, if I sat on the seat I couldn't reach the pedals. In order to propel the damn thing I had to stand on the pedals.

I also couldn't reach the handlebars. He has those racing bars that kind of look like a ram's horns, and I have short little arms and even stretched fulling horizontal I was barely able to reach the cross-bar. Forget about the brakes.

So I'm peddling and wobbling down the street and I soon as I get some momentum going I hoist myself onto the seat and just hang on and coast. And prey I don't have to stop suddenly, because I'm gonna lose a piercing or two if I do. Fortunately it's downhill all the way so the coasting is easy. When I have to stop for a red light at the intersection I just run into a pole.

I finally get there in one piece. Stopping involves tipping over on one side until I can reach the ground with a foot and doing a couple of awkward bunny hops. Wrestling the empty box off the bike is a little more challenging since there are no handy walls or trees to lean the thing against and he doesn't have a kick-stand.

But getting it off is nothing compared to getting the full one on. It's heavy, you see, and so the bike keeps trying to roll away from it. So I have to keep one hand on the bike to keep it stable, one hand on the box to keep it stable, and at two hands to fasten the bungee cords taut enough to keep the box on the back of the bike. I try to wedge the wheel between my legs and kind of drape myself over the box. I scrabble around with the bungee cords but I can't seem to find the spots to put the hooks in - and when I try and bend over to look at what I'm doing, bike tips left and box tips right. The bungee cord lets go of the falling bike and snaps back to smack me in the mouth.

I pick everything up and start over. This time I'm just going to have to feel my way around. I find what I think is a good spot to hook the first bungee cord and try to force the hook into it. It seems to catch for a second, but lets go as soon as I take my hand of it and snaps back to smack me in the mouth. Bike goes left. Box goes right.

This time I'm determined. I carefully hook one side of each of the bungee cords in a strategic spot. I stand on the opposite side of the bike and balance both bike and box against my thighs. I gently drape the cords over the top of the box. Gradually I pull on the cord with one hand and push against the bike with the other. The bike and I lean away from each other, forming a gradually-opening V, our balance maintained by a perfect tension as I pull the cord towards me.

Then the box starts to slide, I grab it, the bungee cord lets go and smacks me in the mouth. Bike goes left. Box goes right.

I pick myself up, pick up the box, sling the cords across my shoulder, pick up the bike, and drag everything down the street until I get to a fence. Then I lean the bike against the fence, pin the box to the bike between my body and the fence and strap everything on. I take the bungee cords off again to release the bike from where I have nadvertently strapped it to the fence and then re-strap the box to the bike.

I get on the bike. The bike is now top-heavy and even harder to balance. I wobble slowly forward, balancing on the pedals and stretching as far as I can to reach the handlebars. About two feet later I hit a speed bump on the road and fall over with a crash.

I drag everything back to the fence and refasten the box.

Then I walk the bike home.

And made a great big salad with those veggies.

Comments

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Oh, no! I do hope you're allright and still have all your teeth.

Please forgive me for laughing hysterically while reading of your misery.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I was laughing and cursing the entire time.

[ladyclayton.livejournal.com]

Oh my...I'm glad you made it home in one piece! I so would have broken an arm or something.

[tristam08.livejournal.com]

I hope you weren't seriously hurt by any of that.
I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but you have to admit it's hilarious.
I have to commend you on your patience & perseverance, I would have lost it called a cab.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

That honestly never occurred to me.

Pure stubborness, I guess.

[girfan.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't have too many bruises!
I also chuckled at your misfortune-so sorry-it was the bungee cords sproinging at you that did it. Mea culpa.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I was just reading an article yesterday or the day before about how North American bikes are built for leisure and are thus almost useless in terms of being practical transport devices, whereas there are bikes commonly found in third world countries which were specifically designed with hauling large quantities of stuff in mind.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

That makes sense. I've seen pictures of people riding bicycles loaded down with enormous amounts of stuff.

This is still a pretty poor neighbourhood, so there are a lot of people around here who use their bicycle as their only form of transportation, especially older people. I've seen milk crates attached to the handlebars, and some jury-rigged connection that lets them pull a bundle buggy along behind them. I've also seen rigid saddle bags that fit over the back panier.

[bellafiga.livejournal.com]

Ouch.. But OMG hahahaha!!! Dood you are just awesome. I personally might have throw the bike into oncoming traffic cause I have a terrible temper. But kudos to you darling!! Hope you heal quickly!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

See I get mad and say, "I am going to DO this if it kills us both."

Good thing for me I have a hard head.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

See, this is why I use Wanigan's. They drop the box off on our front porch. ;)

I'm glad you finally made it home in one piece. I imagine you were cursing all the way home.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

More expensive though, isn't it?

[the_axel]

Also Wanigans is for profit, Good Food Box is not.

Glad to hear you didn't break anything.
Much love.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Well, nothing on me.

The lettuce has seen better days.

[mr-sharkey.livejournal.com]

Not that there's anything wrong with profit?


M.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Is there something wrong with being for profit?

FYI, Wanigan has been supporting local farmers, both organic and non, for over 10 years.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Well, it would increase the price.

IANA, but maybe the idea is that we're supporting an initiative is intended to bring cheap fresh local produce to people who can't afford a lot. So if too many people withdrew their support, they couldn't offer it any more?

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Good points, but if Wanigan had to shut down, all the local farmers that they get their produce from would feel the impact financially. So Wanigan's profit doesn't just benefit Wanigan, it benefits their suppliers.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

That can be said about any retailer. And it only impacts the supplier if they don't have other potential markets for their produce.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

I don't know what the Good Food box costs, but the Wanigan boxes vary in cost according to size and type, and there's a very wide range available.

[spikella.livejournal.com]

this post just made me realize how very much we have in common. Our freezers, snakes and level of injuries are nearly identical.