I agree with you in that we are talking across each other here. I think we're talking about the same thing, but in very different ways and from distinctly different angles.
"Sorry" don't do shit to repair damage that's been done. It doesn't repair broken bones or smashed china. And there are things that people do to each other that "sorry" won't fix.
Agreed. I never said "sorry" fixed anything. What it can do, for me at least, is open the door to communication, understanding, and hopefully, healing. "Sorry" can be a means to a valuable end, and I will not undermine the importance of that. You have to start _somewhere_.
I think what I'm seeing here, if you'll allow me to hazard a guess, is that "sorry" doesn't do much for you when you're hurt and/or damaged, and you're assuming, by extension, that it also does little for other people. Can you step back and see why "sorry" might hold an importance for others that it does not hold for you?
If "sorry" is not what you want or need, then what else works for you? What do you require? I'm asking so that I can better understand how to relate to you and to other people who's reactions to "sorry" are not the same as mine.
And yes, there are absolutely some things that people do to each other that "sorry" cannot fix. That nothing can fix.My apologies if it seems like I'm touting "I'm sorry" as a universal bandaid for all hurts and damages. That is not my intent. My intent is to explain that if someone has hurt me, the best thing they can do (barring extreme situations) is to approach me with an honest and sincere apology. Does the damage end with the apology? No. But a dialogue has been opened, and I can't help but view that as good.
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zvi
Re: defining fragility
Date: 2002-10-01 09:14 pm (UTC)"Sorry" don't do shit to repair damage that's been done. It doesn't repair broken bones or smashed china. And there are things that people do to each other that "sorry" won't fix.
Agreed. I never said "sorry" fixed anything. What it can do, for me at least, is open the door to communication, understanding, and hopefully, healing. "Sorry" can be a means to a valuable end, and I will not undermine the importance of that. You have to start _somewhere_.
I think what I'm seeing here, if you'll allow me to hazard a guess, is that "sorry" doesn't do much for you when you're hurt and/or damaged, and you're assuming, by extension, that it also does little for other people. Can you step back and see why "sorry" might hold an importance for others that it does not hold for you?
If "sorry" is not what you want or need, then what else works for you? What do you require? I'm asking so that I can better understand how to relate to you and to other people who's reactions to "sorry" are not the same as mine.
And yes, there are absolutely some things that people do to each other that "sorry" cannot fix. That nothing can fix.My apologies if it seems like I'm touting "I'm sorry" as a universal bandaid for all hurts and damages. That is not my intent. My intent is to explain that if someone has hurt me, the best thing they can do (barring extreme situations) is to approach me with an honest and sincere apology. Does the damage end with the apology? No. But a dialogue has been opened, and I can't help but view that as good.