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the_siobhanIn an attempt to lighten the mood after yesterday's core dump, I am going to tell you a story. (Some of you may have read this before, I swear I wrote it down once but I can't seem to find it any more. So here it is again.)
I was reminded of this because I was reading Captain Awkward the other day. I like Captain Awkward, she is often amusing and she frequently has very good advice. Anyway, this one letter writer was asking what can one do to "fix" a relationship that features random jealousy attacks over completely innocent situations. I've had a couple of relationships that were like that, and my personal take on it is, "You can't". One such relationship was the one with the Evil Ex.
(BTW, in spite of his name, Evil Ex was definitely not the worst relationship I've ever had. He is, however, the one I am most embarrassed to admit to.)
In theory we had an open relationship. In reality he slept with as many of my friends as he could talk into it, while lying to me about it and lying to them about me knowing about it. All the while cross-examining me over and over again about who I was sleeping with until I told him to fuck off with the questions already I'll give him an update when I damn well needed to.
The incident which is the best illustraton of how ridiculous he could be happened when I was living in Guelph, he lived in Brantford with his parents, and he had a bunch of friends sharing a house in Hamilton where they were students. There was a band playing in my town that a couple of his friends were big fans of so I invited everybody to come up for the night and crash at my place. He had a car so he picked his friends up in Hamilton and drove everybody up to Guelph. We all hung out, saw band, drank too much, ate late-night crappy food, and camped out all over my apartment. Fun was had.
Then on Sunday morning his car wouldn't start. He called his dad who drove up from Brantford with a hitch to tow it home where they could work on it. I had a car at the time so I drove the friends back to Hamilton. When we got there they invited me in for lunch to say thanks for the weekend. They made a big pot of chili or stew or something and the bunch of us sprawled all over the living room to watch a movie while we ate.
The phone rang. It was the Evil Ex. Apparently he had called my apartment and since I wasn't home yet he wanted to know what I was doing. I told him. He wanted to know how long I would be there.
"I dunno. Going to finish watching the movie first."
After the movie we were sitting around talking and the phone rang again. It was for me.
"What are you doing?"
"Just sitting around chatting. How's the car coming?"
"How long are you going to be there?"
"Uh, I don't know. Not too late. Why?"
If I had harboured any doubts as to what this was really about he dispelled them with his next question, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"
I said, "Nope!" in the perkiest, most cheerful voice I could perk and hung up on him.
He called back 20 minutes later.
By the forth call his friends were looking at me in disbelief and asking, "Uh, what's wrong with him?" By the sixth it had become the topic of much hilarity. Every single time the phone rang everybody would sing out in unison, "It's for YOOOUUUUU!" and then started making porn movie noises at the top of their lungs while I was talking to him. I, of course, thought this was absolutely hilarious. He, unequivocally, did not.
Later on of course, we talked about it. He insisted that he wasn't jealous he just wanted me to be completely honest and up-front with him. So I told him that I honestly and up-frontly thought he was a fat-head.
The other incident that sticks out in my mind happened many months later, when I had moved to Toronto. He called me when he got off shift at work, which was something like midnight, and said he wanted to come over. I told him no, I had to work the next day and it was too late.
"Julie doesn't think it's too late," he told me.
"Then go home with Julie. What the fuck are you bugging me for?" I hung up on him. (To this day I have no idea who the hell Julie was or if she was even a real person.)
Then we got engaged. While I was on E. I always tell people that's the reason I don't do drugs any more.
That story, I did write about
I was reminded of this because I was reading Captain Awkward the other day. I like Captain Awkward, she is often amusing and she frequently has very good advice. Anyway, this one letter writer was asking what can one do to "fix" a relationship that features random jealousy attacks over completely innocent situations. I've had a couple of relationships that were like that, and my personal take on it is, "You can't". One such relationship was the one with the Evil Ex.
(BTW, in spite of his name, Evil Ex was definitely not the worst relationship I've ever had. He is, however, the one I am most embarrassed to admit to.)
In theory we had an open relationship. In reality he slept with as many of my friends as he could talk into it, while lying to me about it and lying to them about me knowing about it. All the while cross-examining me over and over again about who I was sleeping with until I told him to fuck off with the questions already I'll give him an update when I damn well needed to.
The incident which is the best illustraton of how ridiculous he could be happened when I was living in Guelph, he lived in Brantford with his parents, and he had a bunch of friends sharing a house in Hamilton where they were students. There was a band playing in my town that a couple of his friends were big fans of so I invited everybody to come up for the night and crash at my place. He had a car so he picked his friends up in Hamilton and drove everybody up to Guelph. We all hung out, saw band, drank too much, ate late-night crappy food, and camped out all over my apartment. Fun was had.
Then on Sunday morning his car wouldn't start. He called his dad who drove up from Brantford with a hitch to tow it home where they could work on it. I had a car at the time so I drove the friends back to Hamilton. When we got there they invited me in for lunch to say thanks for the weekend. They made a big pot of chili or stew or something and the bunch of us sprawled all over the living room to watch a movie while we ate.
The phone rang. It was the Evil Ex. Apparently he had called my apartment and since I wasn't home yet he wanted to know what I was doing. I told him. He wanted to know how long I would be there.
"I dunno. Going to finish watching the movie first."
After the movie we were sitting around talking and the phone rang again. It was for me.
"What are you doing?"
"Just sitting around chatting. How's the car coming?"
"How long are you going to be there?"
"Uh, I don't know. Not too late. Why?"
If I had harboured any doubts as to what this was really about he dispelled them with his next question, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"
I said, "Nope!" in the perkiest, most cheerful voice I could perk and hung up on him.
He called back 20 minutes later.
By the forth call his friends were looking at me in disbelief and asking, "Uh, what's wrong with him?" By the sixth it had become the topic of much hilarity. Every single time the phone rang everybody would sing out in unison, "It's for YOOOUUUUU!" and then started making porn movie noises at the top of their lungs while I was talking to him. I, of course, thought this was absolutely hilarious. He, unequivocally, did not.
Later on of course, we talked about it. He insisted that he wasn't jealous he just wanted me to be completely honest and up-front with him. So I told him that I honestly and up-frontly thought he was a fat-head.
The other incident that sticks out in my mind happened many months later, when I had moved to Toronto. He called me when he got off shift at work, which was something like midnight, and said he wanted to come over. I told him no, I had to work the next day and it was too late.
"Julie doesn't think it's too late," he told me.
"Then go home with Julie. What the fuck are you bugging me for?" I hung up on him. (To this day I have no idea who the hell Julie was or if she was even a real person.)
Then we got engaged. While I was on E. I always tell people that's the reason I don't do drugs any more.
That story, I did write about
(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-14 07:42 am (UTC)I always enjoy your stories.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-14 02:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-14 02:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-14 04:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-14 07:30 pm (UTC)