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[the_siobhan]

I have come to the conclusion that my boss is a bully. She reminds me of teachers I had at public school who would force the anxious kids out onto the floor whenever there was some kind of dancing or public activity, pushing the kids to "have fun" no matter how miserable it made them. She organized an Ugly Sweater Christmas party and harrassed people every day until they agreed to participate. She's big on the social activities and the networking and meanwhile I'm all, "I just want to come in, do my meaningless fucking job, and then get the fuck away from you people." Yesterday I found out she's taking golf lessons to advance her career. It probably will.

I guess I'm just not a team player.

Back when I started working for the bank I described my career change by telling people I used to work in the health care industry and got job satisfaction from knowing I was doing something that helped people but that I had a emotional abuse-victim relationship with my employers. "But now I work for the devil, and he treats me really well." I can't say that any more. I haven't been able to say it for a while.

I can't really blame them. The Evil Empire has no space for worker bees that are too sick & depressed to fit in.

There always seems to be a point in my depression cycle where I get really really angry. It's usually the harbinger of a major downward spiral, but if I'm quick I can sometimes manage to harness the energy while it lasts. So I guess that's the point I'm at now.

Comments

[firecat]

When I was a child I had the superpower of being able to say no to adults who badgered me to participate in a way that made them stop asking. I bequeath this superpower to you.

[the_siobhan]

I'm usually pretty good at saying no. Unfortunately this particular adult gets a lot of say in my raises.

At this point I mostly just go through the motions because apparently it's part of my job now. But I know that eventually I'm going to hit a hard line. ("I have 14 deliverables this week, no I am not taking an hour out of my day to dress up like a raindeer.") It will be interesting to see what happens when we reach that point.

[firecat]

Let's hope she thinks about the less hygienic consequences of letting a lot of reindeer into the building.

[kalmn]

It probably will.

Can you apply for different internal jobs? I just transferred from one area of my bank to a less dysfunctional area.

[the_siobhan]

That is very much the plan. There are a couple of specific skills I need to pick up for what I want to move to, so that's what I'm working on now.