can we still be friends?

[the_siobhan]

What do you owe your friends?

What do they owe you?

And are the rules universal? Or does it depend on the person?

A story I tell fairly frequently is about an online conversation I was having where I mentioned that the majority of my friends are always late for things, so I always plan meeting spots to be comfortable places where one can while away some time with a coffee and a book. The person I was talking to was horrified. Why would I want to be friends with people who obviously had so little respect for me, she wanted to know.

And I was horrified right back at her. My best friends have been with me through some of the darkest periods of my life, have given me support, advice, a shoulder when I needed it, have been genuinely happy for me when I've had good fortune, have moved me, have moved my dead bodies and have been some of the best company I could ask for on some of the most ridiculous adventures I could imagine. Why the hell would I ever give that up?

Do my friends owe me punctuality?

I used to have long arguments with somebody over his "dumping" of a mutual friend. If you were friends, I would argue, he has at the least the right to know that you're pissed off at him. The other maintained that since the friend was in the wrong, it was his obligation to be the first to get in contact. But why would he get in contact if you haven't told him anything is wrong? And the circle went 'round and 'round until we stopped being friends as well.

Do you owe your friends an explanation?

I dated a guy in University who told me that if a friend didn't phone him for a month, he would always tell the person to fuck off if they called up afterwards expecting to just pick up where they had left off. If they couldn't make the effort, he sniffed, they weren't worth his time. After finals had finally wrung me out and left me for dead I figured there was no point in even trying to get back in touch so I never bothered.

Do your friends owe you their time?

I wrote a story here about an incident which I count as the last of only three times in my life I have completely Lost My Shit. In the story one of my friends is running after me with no idea of what is going on, but ready - and in fact, running to back me up. I never expected it in a million years. I won't forget in a billion.

Do your friends owe you their protection?

I've had a number of friendships with people that I think of as "high maintenance people". All have ended badly. One was with a guy who would start every single email with, "I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you pissed off at me?" Another was with somebody who decided that I had hurt her horribly for some reasons that existed mostly in her own head and the fact that I hadn't panicked when she deleted her LJ (after announcing that she had no more time for LJ) was just proof that I didn't care about her.

Do you owe your friends your energy?

What do you think?

Comments

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I owe my friends affection, loyalty (not in a taking-sides sense, though) and respect. I like to think they owe me the same.

What we do not owe each other is blindness to each other's faults. The best friends I have are the ones who know when my butt needs kicking and aren't afraid to do it.