they are plotting against us

[the_siobhan]

I was telling gruamach this story earlier this week. On the way to my donation appointment I saw a squirrel take out a roller blader.

I was sitting in the streetcar as I passed the U of T campus, just staring out the window. A guy was booting down the sidewalk on his blades. It was pretty early in the morning and there weren't many people on the sidewalk, so he was going pretty fast.

Cue one little black bundle of fur with a fuzzy tail to come diving out of the bushes - and right under his wheels.

Feet stopped dead. Rest of body kept moving at speed. Entire assemblage went ass over tea kettle and bounced off the cement sidewalk a couple of times before coming to rest.

All before I had time to say, "What the fuck?"

I was craning around in my seat trying to see if dude was still in one piece and I could see him slowly lifting himself up off the pavement while a couple of passers-by ran over to help him. I could also clearly see the squirrel bounding smoothy along the sidewalk and ducking back under the bushes, without an apparent scratch on him.

I always knew those little fuckers were dangerous.

Comments

[faerierhona.livejournal.com]

yay! terrorist rodents! attack squirrels! Murderous critters! RAR!

[artistatlarge.livejournal.com]

There's a huge black walnut tree at the foot of our driveway, and for the past couple months those little fuckers have been not just eating the nuts (messily, and noisily) but flinging them to the ground from great heights- presumeably to help break them.

When I had to pass by the drop zone I'd try to remember to keep my hands on my head, for at least minimal skull protection from hurled projectiles.

So far, so good...

(Also? You tell the best stories.)

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

There used to be a tree right by a bridge that crossed the Speed where a blackbird would set up a nest every summer. She'd divebomb anybody who passed under the tree, presumably to protect her chicks.

We could see the tree from our backyard, and it got to be a bit comical watching the poor pedestrians suddenly covering their heads and running for safety.

And thank you. :-)

[empressjad.livejournal.com]

Have you ever seen that television commercial for some auto insurance company? It shows a squirrel run out into the road in front of a car, causing it to swerve dramatically (can't recall if it crashes or not...) and the squirrel then runs off the road and high-fives its little squirrel friend and they giggle.
I always thaought that might be a bit too close to the truth...

From the "You watched it, you can't unwatch it!" files:

[thebigbad.livejournal.com]

Things didn't go so lucky in this case.

Was waiting for a bus one time and looked up just in time to see, directly in front of me, a very young squirrel run right under the tire of the car rolling down on it. It was so quick, I had just enough time to think, "Oh,please,no" and then it was over. That moment, it's awful, it's forever stuck in my mind - the visual (oh boy, the visual) the sound/feel when it got crushed, and how the driver never stopped or even slowed, probably didn't notice. No one did, except lucky, lucky me. I know it sounds paranoid and even solipsist, but this suspicion nags that the universe arranged everything precisely so the moment I looked up it could throw this at me with a great big, "TA-DAH!" Damn it.

Re: From the "You watched it, you can't unwatch it!" files:

[miss_squiddy]

Eeugh! Sympathy! I once saw a pigeon gettin run over in slow motion by one of those pavement cleaning machine thingies. The tail feathers got trapped under the wheel and it slowly slowly got squished. The worst part was the pop at the end... :(

Re: From the "You watched it, you can't unwatch it!" files:

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Oh, ick!

[zenmonkeykstop.livejournal.com]

I saw a squirrel this summer, worrying away at a closed jar of peanut butter. Eventually it got sick of trying to unscrew it, dragged it halfway across the road as a car was coming, watched as the car popped the jar, and dashed back to pick up the nutty fruits of victory.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, they're learning to use tools. We're all doomed!

[lil-m-moses.livejournal.com]

I used to do bike-a-thons around the community center when I was young. The squirrels were an omnipresent threat and seemed to take great delight in playing chicken with my bicycle, but I thankfully managed to avoid them every time.