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I is for Intimidation
Sep. 14th, 2008 03:35 pmI have a new phone.
I didn't want a new phone. I liked my old phone. It was from the age of the dinosaurs and it did two things; phone calls and text messages. No internet. No bluetooth. No camera. It didn't even have a menu - it didn't need a menu because it didn't do anything.
I loved that phone because it was indestructible. I must have drop-kicked that bastard a half-dozen times, and never put a dent in it. It was built like a brick.
Alas, even bricks must die and the battery is finally giving up the ghost. So I ordered a new phone.
The new phone is very thin and very shiny. It has a browser and a camera and it downloads "skins" and it plays music and makes coffee and has God on speed-dial. I can't figure out how to use the phone book, but I can choose any song ever recorded in the 80's as a ring tone.
And now I'm afraid to make a phone call because I'm convinced that if I point the damn thing towards NATO and press the wrong combination of buttons I'll launch a nuclear strike.
I didn't want a new phone. I liked my old phone. It was from the age of the dinosaurs and it did two things; phone calls and text messages. No internet. No bluetooth. No camera. It didn't even have a menu - it didn't need a menu because it didn't do anything.
I loved that phone because it was indestructible. I must have drop-kicked that bastard a half-dozen times, and never put a dent in it. It was built like a brick.
Alas, even bricks must die and the battery is finally giving up the ghost. So I ordered a new phone.
The new phone is very thin and very shiny. It has a browser and a camera and it downloads "skins" and it plays music and makes coffee and has God on speed-dial. I can't figure out how to use the phone book, but I can choose any song ever recorded in the 80's as a ring tone.
And now I'm afraid to make a phone call because I'm convinced that if I point the damn thing towards NATO and press the wrong combination of buttons I'll launch a nuclear strike.