D is for Dishabille

[the_siobhan]

All you people who maintain the illusion that I'm some kind of a bad-ass would completely change your opinion of me if you ever spotted me while clothes shopping.

I am hard on clothes. I wear them until they are close to tatters. I have one(1) pair of jeans not mended with patches, and only because I need something decent to wear on casual days at work.

Part of the reason for this is that I hate hate hate clothes shopping with a deep and passionate vitriol. What I want to do is walk into a store, pick up what I need, pay for it and leave. I can do that with music, books, food and power tools. What I can't do it with is clothes.

Unfortunately I'm at the point where I really can't put off the task of going shopping for very much longer. I was down to my last two functional bras - except that on one of the them the underwire pokes a fresh hole in the fabric every time I wear it and starts creeping up and out the neck of my shirts. I've been patching the holes up but the fabric is now more spiderwebs of threads than anything else, and it's just not working any more. And on the other one I broke the underwire - snapped it in half - over two months ago.

So now I'm down to no functional bras. And last weekend I finally screwed up my courage to visit the store where I normally buy such items. Where I have been secure in the knowledge for many years that even though I might hate the process, I at least know their stock and approximately where everything is kept.

It's closed.

Shit.

OK, I can handle this. I'm a capable mature adult. I asked a few female friends were they go to buy underwear and since I just happened to find myself downtown yesterday after work, I made the last-minute decision to get this over with. I think the "last-minute" part is where the fatal error occurred.

I walked into the department store. I held my breath to hurry past the perfume aisles the way I always do, consulted the store map, and then took the escalator to the forth floor.

And found myself surrounded on all sides by women's unmentionables of every possible shape, size, fabric, colour and construction. Rows and shelves and racks of lace, cotton, polyester, boning, pleats, bows, straps, pink, red, black, white, blue, purple, striped, piped, patterned, reinforced, polka-dotted, strapless, topless, padded, belted, scooped, propped and ribboned.

I froze.

A salewoman made a vague meander in my direction and I bolted.

So I'm sitting here making this post while my underwire gradually creeps up my cleavage and tries to stab me in the neck. And I know I will have to go back to the store and try again.

I just need to psyche myself up for it first.

And maybe have a couple of belts.

And carry a power tool in my pocket. Just for comfort, of course.

Comments

[montieth.livejournal.com]

'Chopping' them off would be a decidedly un-american way of doing it. The more appropriate method is under surgical conditions performed by someone who leaves as little scarring as possible and maintains blood flow to the skin and other tissue. You do have plastic surgeons up there right? I think the Europeans have them too right? Or is plastic surgery only an American thing?

IS the extent of what you consider appropriate modifications to ones body limited to bits of metal, burns, ink, and other such 'tribal' alterations?

People should make changes to their bodies as they see fit. My mom had breast reduction surgery. It improved the quality of her life and meant less back pain. No one forced her into it, it was her own decision.

I merely suggested the course as an alternative to what I thought was complaints at a problem you appear to have. If you're more comfortable just complaining and being stabbed in the eye by underwire, then please, kvetch on.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Expensive unnecessary and permanent surgery as a solution to the temporary issue of finding an adequate clothing supplier.

Including factual errors about the technological capabilities of other countries?

Yep. Like I said. Very American.

[montieth.livejournal.com]

Including factual errors about the technological capabilities of other countries?

That was sarcasm to point out that MORE than just people in the US have elective plastic surgery. I thought that was clear from what I stated.

Yep. Like I said. Very American.

I guess you'd rather bitch than do something, that's VERY punk, however, not very Canadian (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_important_were_Canada's_contributions_to_the_Allied_victory). As I said before, please, kvetch away.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Dude, in all seriousness, when did I suggest I wasn't planning on doing something about the subject of my complaint? Given that what I'm actually complaining about is having to go shopping for new clothes.

You are the one who out of the blue started talking about me having surgery. Where the blithering fuck did that come from?