Remembering Angela
May. 13th, 2002 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanYesterday was the day on LiveJournal where we talk about our mothers. Or so it seemed at the time.
I'm a Not-Mother. I had a daughter 21 years ago this November and I put her up for adoption. I haven't seen her since she was only a couple of days old.
The fact that I have a 21 year-old child is in itself mind-boggling enough.
How I feel about the whole thing seems to really depend on how I feel about life in general. When I was depressed, nothing you could say could have convinced me that I wasn't a complete asshole. Now I'm a little more reconciled that I really did do the only thing I could have at the time.
My biggest issue is often with the fact that people seem to forget that she exists. My mother says things like, "I have two grandchildren." (My sister's kids.) I can understand that she often wouldn't want to have to explain the story to people in the middle of every casual conversation. And it was 21 years ago. But it still makes me uncomfortable.
Hrm. Not sure if I was going anywhere with this. Just in the mood for noodling around topics today.
I'm a Not-Mother. I had a daughter 21 years ago this November and I put her up for adoption. I haven't seen her since she was only a couple of days old.
The fact that I have a 21 year-old child is in itself mind-boggling enough.
How I feel about the whole thing seems to really depend on how I feel about life in general. When I was depressed, nothing you could say could have convinced me that I wasn't a complete asshole. Now I'm a little more reconciled that I really did do the only thing I could have at the time.
My biggest issue is often with the fact that people seem to forget that she exists. My mother says things like, "I have two grandchildren." (My sister's kids.) I can understand that she often wouldn't want to have to explain the story to people in the middle of every casual conversation. And it was 21 years ago. But it still makes me uncomfortable.
Hrm. Not sure if I was going anywhere with this. Just in the mood for noodling around topics today.
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Date: 2002-05-13 11:59 am (UTC)I was also pregnant when I was 19. Very few people know this. Miss J, myself, and the interested male party dealt with it in complete secrecy. I knew for sure I couldn't go the adoption route. My mind tortures me enough without having added fodder for what-if-ing! Boy and I were in the middle of college. We had extremely child-incompatible plans for the near future. Not to mention my father would have flipped over backwards and died, but only *after* he had shot the boy. Many reasons for terminating . . . I never regret it. Sometimes I wonder if he does, though we've never talked about it since.
But, honestly, I thought about this yesterday too. I would have a 10 year old.