how I didn't get married
Dec. 21st, 2004 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanI recently posted this story in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dramatards. I thought it was worth re-posting here.
I always make a joke about the one time in my life I've ever taken ecstacy, and that I ended up getting engaged as a result. I haven't told the story of how I got out of it.
The guy in question was the one I refer to as "the Evil Ex." The next day when we picked our brains up off the lawn I didn't even remember what happened, until he started talking about "when we get married". I told him I didn't think it was such a good idea.
When I dropped him off at his place he walked in the door and said loudly, "We have an announcement to make."
It took me weeks to finally corner him long enough to sit him down and explain that we were not getting married. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not going to change my mind.
At the time all this happened, EE was staying at his parents' house in Brantford. We were going to a house party that night in Hamilton. I drove because I wasn't planning on drinking. EE brought a bottle of tequila and drank the whole thing by himself.
He started off the night by walking in the door and announcing to our friends that I had dumped him. He spent the rest of the night telling the same thing to anybody who would listen, most of them complete strangers. By the time he had finished most of the tequila, this involved finding random women who were sitting and trying to have a conversation. leaning over to talk to them and falling into their laps. Then he would point over at me, wail, "She dumped me!" and glare accusingly at them waiting for a response.
When I finally got tired of this I went and said goodbye to my friends. They looked incredibly relieved when I said I was going to get EE out of there. I hauled numbnuts to his feet, waited for him while he puked on the lawn, and tossed him into the passenger seat.
The drive from Hamilton to Brantford normally takes a half an hour. This night it took almost three. He cried the entire time about how I was driving too fast because I was trying to make him sick. I took that last corner especially fast because I hated him. Ever couple of miles he would beg me to pull over so he could puke. I would stop the car and he would roll out onto the shoulder and lie on the grass, ranting at me for being so cruel. I would wait long enough to be sure that he wasn't going to actually throw up, then I hauled his ass back into the car while he told me to just go ahead and leave him there, I obviously didn't care anything about him, nobody really loved him, he was all alone in the world. Then I would creep along the highway at 20 MPH, while he ranted about how horrible I was being in driving so recklessly when he was so sick.
At one stop a cop car pulled over. I explained to the officer what was going on and that yes, I would make sure he got home safely while EE rolled around on the grass and pointed at me, yelling, "She DUMPED me. She hates me." The cop helped me get EE back into the car while his partner sat slumped in the passenger seat, chewing on his fist and shaking with laughter. They wished me luck as I drove away.
We finally got to his parents house. Then we discovered he had left his keys in Hamilton. I sat on the edge of the sidewalk and watched while he pressed up against the door and wailed, "Pleeeeease let me in. I'm sorry I'm such a bad son. Please don't make me sleep out here. Mom! Pleeeeeeeease let me in!"
The cops came again of course, probably called by a neighbour. With their help we managed to wake up somebody in the house, and his parents watched befuddled as I carried their raving son down the stairs and put him to bed.
The next day I drove to Hamilton and picked up his keys, dropped them off in Brantford, called him a fuckhead, and went home.
dramatards. I thought it was worth re-posting here. I always make a joke about the one time in my life I've ever taken ecstacy, and that I ended up getting engaged as a result. I haven't told the story of how I got out of it.
The guy in question was the one I refer to as "the Evil Ex." The next day when we picked our brains up off the lawn I didn't even remember what happened, until he started talking about "when we get married". I told him I didn't think it was such a good idea.
When I dropped him off at his place he walked in the door and said loudly, "We have an announcement to make."
It took me weeks to finally corner him long enough to sit him down and explain that we were not getting married. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not going to change my mind.
At the time all this happened, EE was staying at his parents' house in Brantford. We were going to a house party that night in Hamilton. I drove because I wasn't planning on drinking. EE brought a bottle of tequila and drank the whole thing by himself.
He started off the night by walking in the door and announcing to our friends that I had dumped him. He spent the rest of the night telling the same thing to anybody who would listen, most of them complete strangers. By the time he had finished most of the tequila, this involved finding random women who were sitting and trying to have a conversation. leaning over to talk to them and falling into their laps. Then he would point over at me, wail, "She dumped me!" and glare accusingly at them waiting for a response.
When I finally got tired of this I went and said goodbye to my friends. They looked incredibly relieved when I said I was going to get EE out of there. I hauled numbnuts to his feet, waited for him while he puked on the lawn, and tossed him into the passenger seat.
The drive from Hamilton to Brantford normally takes a half an hour. This night it took almost three. He cried the entire time about how I was driving too fast because I was trying to make him sick. I took that last corner especially fast because I hated him. Ever couple of miles he would beg me to pull over so he could puke. I would stop the car and he would roll out onto the shoulder and lie on the grass, ranting at me for being so cruel. I would wait long enough to be sure that he wasn't going to actually throw up, then I hauled his ass back into the car while he told me to just go ahead and leave him there, I obviously didn't care anything about him, nobody really loved him, he was all alone in the world. Then I would creep along the highway at 20 MPH, while he ranted about how horrible I was being in driving so recklessly when he was so sick.
At one stop a cop car pulled over. I explained to the officer what was going on and that yes, I would make sure he got home safely while EE rolled around on the grass and pointed at me, yelling, "She DUMPED me. She hates me." The cop helped me get EE back into the car while his partner sat slumped in the passenger seat, chewing on his fist and shaking with laughter. They wished me luck as I drove away.
We finally got to his parents house. Then we discovered he had left his keys in Hamilton. I sat on the edge of the sidewalk and watched while he pressed up against the door and wailed, "Pleeeeease let me in. I'm sorry I'm such a bad son. Please don't make me sleep out here. Mom! Pleeeeeeeease let me in!"
The cops came again of course, probably called by a neighbour. With their help we managed to wake up somebody in the house, and his parents watched befuddled as I carried their raving son down the stairs and put him to bed.
The next day I drove to Hamilton and picked up his keys, dropped them off in Brantford, called him a fuckhead, and went home.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-22 05:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-22 04:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-22 08:40 pm (UTC)But then, I have no patience whatsoever... ;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-22 09:00 pm (UTC)But I'm a major bitch.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-25 09:49 pm (UTC)Unfortunately for me, I have an overdeveloped sense of responsability.