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the_siobhanSome days breakfast is a cheese sandwich and a shot of bourbon.
I had intended, once the holidays were finally over, to post about how exhausted and peopled-out I was, about how parts were great fun, and parts were frustrating, and how I was looking forward to getting back into my normal routines etc.
Instead I am posting about how my mother died on Thursday.
Some friends decided that New Year's Eve was going to spent burning 2019 in effigy and so we built a fire in my backyard and chucked in drawings and other burnables from the shitty shitty year just finished. I threw in some obituary cards left over from D's funeral. And I said, out loud, with my actual face hole, "All I ask of 2020 is that it not kill anybody I care about. I don't think that's too high a bar to set."
Three days later, I'm texting to E, "2020 HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!"
On the plus side, (if there can ever be a plus side) it was fast and peaceful. She laid down for a nap and went in her sleep. No months of struggle in the hospital this time, and I am very glad that she was spared that particular flavour of bullshit.
Maybe that's why it hasn't really sunk in yet.
I had intended, once the holidays were finally over, to post about how exhausted and peopled-out I was, about how parts were great fun, and parts were frustrating, and how I was looking forward to getting back into my normal routines etc.
Instead I am posting about how my mother died on Thursday.
Some friends decided that New Year's Eve was going to spent burning 2019 in effigy and so we built a fire in my backyard and chucked in drawings and other burnables from the shitty shitty year just finished. I threw in some obituary cards left over from D's funeral. And I said, out loud, with my actual face hole, "All I ask of 2020 is that it not kill anybody I care about. I don't think that's too high a bar to set."
Three days later, I'm texting to E, "2020 HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!"
On the plus side, (if there can ever be a plus side) it was fast and peaceful. She laid down for a nap and went in her sleep. No months of struggle in the hospital this time, and I am very glad that she was spared that particular flavour of bullshit.
Maybe that's why it hasn't really sunk in yet.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 05:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 06:00 am (UTC)What even with the first seven days of this year? I'm sorry.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 11:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 12:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 12:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 01:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 03:28 pm (UTC)Our door is open anytime you want company and booze.
I know you were looking into moving her into a home. We went through that with M's mother last year, and it was an exhausting exercise in bureaucracy, bullshit and jumping through an endless series of hoops. So both you and she have been spared that at least.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 04:02 pm (UTC)I know you're surrounded by good people, but even then - let us know if there's anything to be done from here. That parental hole in your personal universe is always a fucking numb slog, whatever the context and events. Here's to hoping that you can get both what you need and what you want in the coming year. You surely deserve it. <3
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 04:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 04:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 05:20 pm (UTC)I'm sorry for your loss, but also glad she went peacefully. Sending you and Axel all my love.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 05:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-08 11:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-09 02:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-09 03:58 am (UTC)As natural as it is, it is never easy for the living. As you say, it was fast and peaceful, which I guess we would all want.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-10 06:40 am (UTC)