NaDruWriNi: 02:54 EST
Nov. 8th, 2020 02:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanI'm donez0r. Tiem to go to bed.
The student was taking notes.
"Tell me about elves," he said.
His interview subject rustled her wings. She was drinking cocktails that were a deep emerald green with tiny tongues of flame licking the surface and they cost almost thirty dollars a pop. It was worth it even if he was going to be eating packaged ramen and canned cheese for the rest of the month.
"Elves are assholes," she said. "You humans love them because they're pretty, but they're the kind of people who say things like, 'We must serve as an example to the lesser races,' and they mean it. You don't wnat elves around. They spoil everyting."
"Noted," he said as he scribbled. "What about dwarves? Aren't elves and dwarves natural enemies?"
"They are," she said. "And really I'm on teh side of the dwarves. Lovely people really, so courteous. And they really appreciate a nice gold hoard."
He paused in his scribbling. "Um. What constitutes a 'hoard'?"
She considered, scratching her scaled brow with a long claw. "Well... anything really, as long as it sparkles. You all have totally teh wrong idea about dwarveds. And you all seem to think they are Scottish? That's not right at all."
"Right. Not Scottish." His pen was moving again.
"Not Scottish. They speak like humans who live further north than that. Say, um.... like the Swedish Chef guy. Can I have another drink?"
He waved at teh bartender, who arrived with a fresh glass. She curled her class around the delicate stem and sipped daintily at it. She had a long black forked tongue that darted out to capture the scattered drops on her scaled lips.
"What about vampires," he said.
"Vampires are just people," she told him. "They're just humans who are infected with a virus that makes them obligate hematophages. There's nothign special about them."
"That can't be right," he objected. "We have vampire infestations in a dozen cities and they cause incredible damage."
She sighed and put the glass down on the bar. "That's not a vampire thing, that's a human thing. Look - imagine the biggest asshole you knew at school, the guy who bullied and date-raped and got away with it because his father had money. Now give him super strenght and freedome from consequences. What do you think is going to happen?
"Um." He looked down at his paper and thought about some fo the men who went on televison news and talked about hwo their children had been taken over by the vampire cult.
"I can't publish taht."
"Right. Exactly." Sjhe picked the tiny sword out of her cocktail and nipped off the olive.
He sighed deeply and picked up his pen.
"Now tell me about dragons."
She beamed widely.
"I thought you would never ask."
The student was taking notes.
"Tell me about elves," he said.
His interview subject rustled her wings. She was drinking cocktails that were a deep emerald green with tiny tongues of flame licking the surface and they cost almost thirty dollars a pop. It was worth it even if he was going to be eating packaged ramen and canned cheese for the rest of the month.
"Elves are assholes," she said. "You humans love them because they're pretty, but they're the kind of people who say things like, 'We must serve as an example to the lesser races,' and they mean it. You don't wnat elves around. They spoil everyting."
"Noted," he said as he scribbled. "What about dwarves? Aren't elves and dwarves natural enemies?"
"They are," she said. "And really I'm on teh side of the dwarves. Lovely people really, so courteous. And they really appreciate a nice gold hoard."
He paused in his scribbling. "Um. What constitutes a 'hoard'?"
She considered, scratching her scaled brow with a long claw. "Well... anything really, as long as it sparkles. You all have totally teh wrong idea about dwarveds. And you all seem to think they are Scottish? That's not right at all."
"Right. Not Scottish." His pen was moving again.
"Not Scottish. They speak like humans who live further north than that. Say, um.... like the Swedish Chef guy. Can I have another drink?"
He waved at teh bartender, who arrived with a fresh glass. She curled her class around the delicate stem and sipped daintily at it. She had a long black forked tongue that darted out to capture the scattered drops on her scaled lips.
"What about vampires," he said.
"Vampires are just people," she told him. "They're just humans who are infected with a virus that makes them obligate hematophages. There's nothign special about them."
"That can't be right," he objected. "We have vampire infestations in a dozen cities and they cause incredible damage."
She sighed and put the glass down on the bar. "That's not a vampire thing, that's a human thing. Look - imagine the biggest asshole you knew at school, the guy who bullied and date-raped and got away with it because his father had money. Now give him super strenght and freedome from consequences. What do you think is going to happen?
"Um." He looked down at his paper and thought about some fo the men who went on televison news and talked about hwo their children had been taken over by the vampire cult.
"I can't publish taht."
"Right. Exactly." Sjhe picked the tiny sword out of her cocktail and nipped off the olive.
He sighed deeply and picked up his pen.
"Now tell me about dragons."
She beamed widely.
"I thought you would never ask."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 08:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 10:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 03:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 04:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 08:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-11-08 09:26 pm (UTC)This made me LOL a lot: And you all seem to think they are Scottish? That's not right at all.