charge for the guns

[the_siobhan]

I am on vacation from work this week. I was planning to do some vacation things, like, I dunno, rent a car and go walk in the woods or something.

Instead I may be visiting assisted living residences to try and find an alternative housing arrangement for the Old Man. The hospital wants to discharge him, but his retirement residence is pushing back on letting him move back. I read his lease agreement, and he is covered by the Landlord Tenant Act so while they technically can't prevent him from moving home, they can apply to evict him on the grounds that his care needs exceed what they are designed to accommodate.

There is a conference call on Monday between hospital staff, residence management and his home care coordinator, so hopefully we can hammer something out for the short term, but long term I'm pretty sure they're going to force him out.

And Long Term Care has a five year waiting list, because of course it does.

Comments

[cornerofmadness]

Sorry to hear it. This is such a hard process

[elusis]

Dammit. I'm sorry, Sio. Here I am spending most of a week with Dad, half the time wondering "why am I here?" and much of the answer is "because I don't know how good he'll be at caring for himself, and he's not very forthcoming or a very accurate reporter so all I know to do is hang out and observe."

[the_siobhan]

Nothing replaces being able to see them in person. I have conversations with doctors on the regular, but since they don't know him they don't see the changes that I do.

[elusis]

I'm afraid you're right. (My budget is afraid you're right. My budget is glad I got an Alaska Airlines credit card, I guess???)

[greylock]

Five years? Yeesh.
That sucks. I hope at least you get some respite on your holiday.

[sabotabby]

Fuck the way this province treats seniors.

[houseof9cats]

Brutal. I can't handle what Ontario is doing to vulnerable seniors, and by extension working women, right now.

[the_siobhan]

It's a part-time job, no lie.

[sylvanwitch]

My brother and I went through this with my mom back in late April/early May, so please know that I am sending you ALL the patience, strength, and stamina you need to get through this very difficult process. I am so, so sorry you're having to spend your much-deserved and much-needed vacation time to do this, but I think I'm also glad for you that you have the time, otherwise you'd be even more stressed? Thinking of you and sending all the good vibes your way. *hugs*

[the_siobhan]

Sucks, don't it?

Any advice?

[sylvanwitch]

I was fortunate in that I have a friend who is an administrator at a local memory care unit of a nursing home, and she was willing to give me some suggestions about where to avoid. My brother did the actual groundwork of calling around and then going to the facilities because he's retired and I was teaching at the time. What he noted was that the tour he got was very different from the experience Mom has had. So, for example, they took him up to the second floor of the facility, where it's airier and more recently remodeled, and, of course, he was given a sort of curated version of what life is like in the facility. The room Mom was first in was NOTHING like the spacious ones that my brother was shown. Later, we were able to move her to a single by virtue of her then being an actual resident, so sometimes it's just a matter of gaining a foothold first. Still, when you're looking into care and/or facilities, keep in mind that you might be being given the "curated" view.

Also, my friend who works in a home said the best thing we can do for Mom's health and safety is show up at different times and different days--not get into a set routine for our visits. If the staff isn't sure when we'll be there, Mom is likely to get more focused help.

It's not that anyone is malicious there; they're just understaffed and seriously overworked. Unfortunately, it does seem that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[the_siobhan]

That's all very good advice. Thank you.

Especially the "show up at different times" one. I have a set schedule at work that lets me take Fridays to run him around to appointments and such, I'm sure my boss would be cool with letting me mix it up.

[kalmn]

Touring assisted living blows chunks. I have absolutely no idea if anything is the same on both sides of the border, but just in case- if it would suit him and he it, maybe see if the local JCC has a place or two? The one here in St Paul had the nicest assisted living building, and with the ability to move around as your care needs change. (My mother didn’t go live there because reasons, but it really was top of the list. This is a link to that one, just in case the American/Canadian translation is falling down on the job.

https://www.sholom.com/sholom-east/

[the_siobhan]

There's a place that looks really good that is primarily Jewish and it's not in the middle of nowhere. (Another big problem with retirement homes.)

I'm reaching out to the Catholic one today because he's Knights of Columbus so they might give him priority.

[houseof9cats]

This thing where they're moving an industry known for neglect and profiteering out to the middle of nowhere has serious red flags for me. Paired with the idea that the family members who show up more often get the grease. Yikes.

[elusis]

Ding ding ding ding, winner winner!

[bcholmes]

Mike Fuckin' Harris.

[the_siobhan]

May he rot in a bog.

[kest]

I sometimes wonder how long it will be before our generation and the following one rise up about the terrible state of elder care, because the boomers are entering in en masse and right now we're all just dealing with the horrors on our own. One would THINK that a retirement residence would have its own assistance, at least on the organizational front, for when its time for the next stage, would that be too much to ask??

[the_siobhan]

They're acting like it's the end of the world that he needs additional support very suddenly. I'm like, your clients are all over 70, are you sure this is the VERY FIRST TIME EVER that somebody suddenly had a rapid deterioration in mobility while living there?