prying open the brain-pan

[the_siobhan]

I am being an utter wuss about getting back on the bicycle. (Or as I usually phrase it, "I'm being a girl.")

I told the_axel that if I had been riding for six months by the time I feel off instead of only my third time out, I would have been fine. Which is true. And that if I can ride it for six months before the second time I fall off, I'll be fine. Also true.

But right now I'm nervous and the roads are slippery and if I fall off again before I get over being nervous I might as well sell the damn thing, because I'll likely never get on it again. And that's not like me. I'm not normally afraid of getting hurt by anything.

So I was thinking about it today and I just happened to rub my nose the wrong way, and then I realized what my damn fool problem is, it's because I fell on my stupid face. There has only been one time I've ever had a broken nose before, and the whole thing has brought up all the old unspoken associations with getting punched in the face.

If I'd broken my arm it would never have spooked me this much. If I'd landed on the back of my head I'd be fine.

Oh, for the love of fuck.

OK, so I can't chose the ways in which I am screwed up. But I can chose to curse and spit and picture myself smacking people with bats and then do what I want to do anyway.

Comments

[lil-m-moses.livejournal.com]

I totally know what you mean. Stupid irrational fears can have disturbingly significant effects.

I injured (probably sprained) my neck a couple years ago doing a foolishly-planned diveroll in gymnastics class, and it took me nearly a year to work up the guts (the healing only took 2 or 3 months) to just roll out of a handstand or do a diveroll again after that, despite the fact that I was doing everything else, including actual flips (which diverolls are used to work up to) instead.

I wish I had some advice other than to just keep trying, plus maybe start slowly, on days when the roads are dry - riding in slush is the hardest (except for maybe glare ice), since it totally steals your wheels out from under you. You can do this. Just be sure to wear your helmet!!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I suspect I will probably pick up on using it regularily in the spring. Just because conditions for riding will be a little less urk-inspiring.

[black-arachnia.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize that other people used the term "for the love of fuck". :}

I love fuck. Desperately so.

[ex-electroly478.livejournal.com]

being witness to your own psychological conditioning is never any fun. i cannot go NEAR a fucking mousetrap since the 100 mousetrap performance.

there's a commercial on teevee where a guy baits a mousetrap with cheese and then tries to pick it off and eat it. i cannot watch it, not one bit.

[montieth.livejournal.com]

Get one of those BMX type full face helmets that guys doing down hill bicycle riding will wear. Sometimes you see folks in the winter wearing them in urban areas. Frankly, the idea of being around damn stupid cagers yakking on their cel phones and not paying attention to what's next to them makes me nervous in my car. Let alon on two wheels when I can power out of their way. They idea of being in such a situation and having not enough power to get the hell out of the way would make me really damn nervous.

Having something over my face is paramount for two wheeled riding.

One to consider is the Giro Switchblade (http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Helmet/product_21993.shtml) another is the Bell Ballistic (http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Helmet/product_21969.shtml).

An article about them is here http://www.bhsi.org/fullface.htm. The lack of the foam protection in the chinbar is a concern, but, the ABS there is better than nothing. And if the helmet fits properly, you probably shouldn't have a mouthfull of chinbar. Still, that beats a mouth full of asphalt any damn day.

As that above article says, you could look at a motorcycle type full face helmet, perhas one used for straight up off road motorcycling.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I don't know that a helmet would really help much, given that the actual problem is internal. You know what I mean?

I also whacked my shin, to the tune of a nice bruise on the bone that hurts way more than my face -- and that doesn't bother me in the slightest.

[montieth.livejournal.com]

Well, it'd give more of a sense of security from falls and impacts that you're gunshy about. There's body surfing and then there's body surfing with protective gear on. I'll go zipping around on a track or mountain road with protective gear and good tires under my bike. I won't do more than push it at low speed if I don't have a helmet or jacket.

Protective gear gives you a much more solid sense of protection and robustness.

They say you never forget how to ride a bike

[lazrus-armagedn.livejournal.com]

They fucking lie though!

When I was in Germany, I used to ride every day and put in about 100 - 150 miles a week, every week for around six years or so [1]

I got on a bike in Holland in about 2000 [2] and could barely stay on it, never mind ride with any speed! ... I was terrified!


[1] You can't live in Germany and not have a bicycle ... it's just not feasable

[2] Eight years later

Re: They say you never forget how to ride a bike

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I found that out about riding horses. I was good at it when I was pre-teen. Tried it again in my 20's and got to find out what it feels like to be laughed at by my own mount.