Chapter One: The Sillying
Nov. 3rd, 2007 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanI Shit You Not, this is based on a dream I had once.
I got tired of beer after three and got into the gin. I would have switched over to wine, but there is a big pile of dirt and a bicycle blocking the wine rack so I said Fuck It.
It's a very strong gin.
This may call for a trip to the store soon for more mix. Unless I can give the liquor cabinet enough of the evil eye that it snarfs up some drinkable combination. I do have coke but I can only drink a few of those before I start burping sugar.
The heater is finally starting to kick in. I was contemplating digging out a sleeping bag if it got much colder.
Or maybe it's the gin and I just don't feel it any more.
Diane Hubbard was leaving the Just For Women Fitness Centre where she worked out every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. It was early evening on a crisp fall night and the shadows were already creeping across the parking lot where she had left her car.
She shivered a little and pulled her cover-up a little closer around her. Not that it provided any warmth. It was intended only for modesty as she passed to and from the conditioning room. Diane had overheard a conversation between two of the trainers at the gym where one had said that Mary Pickford must live in that navel-and-cleavage-revealing spandex get-up she always wore. The other had replied that a woman has to spend more money on advertising once she reached 40, and both the men had laughed. Diane had gone out bought the cover-up the next day, spending probably more than she should have on one that perfectly matched the rest of her workout gear.
It was Mary Pickford’s fault she was so late tonight. She and Diane had mounted adjacent elliptical machines at the exact same time and Diane had felt compelled to keep going until the other woman quit as well. If it had been any of the other regulars it wouldn’t have mattered, but Mary seemed to excel at making everything into an unspoken competition. Now she was going to have to run home and get dinner in the oven before even getting her shower. Jim would be home by now and he hated having to wait for his food.
She was drawing close to where she had parked her car and she reached into her bag to pull out her keys. Something in the way the shadows draped across the window of the vehicle made her pause. It didn’t look quite right. Surely… surely there wasn’t somebody sitting in her car?
She glanced nervously around her. Hers was one of only a few cars left in the lot; the after-work rush at the fitness centre was well over and they would be closing in less than an hour. She briefly considered going back in and asking one of the desk staff to come outside and check her car for her. Then she thought of what would happen if it really was just a trick of the shadows and rejected the plan. She could already picture Jim telling the story to their friends, describing her fear of a mere shadow with that condescending amusement that made her fantasize about strangling him. Forget it. She’d make good and sure there was something to actually ask for help with first.
She took a few tentative steps closer. It did look like something or somebody was in the passenger seat. She couldn’t make out a head, just the silhouette of a rounded shape slumped against the head rest. Maybe somebody had left a bag or something in her car? Maybe… maybe she had left the door unlocked and one of the homeless people who occasionally haunted the parking lot had crawled in there to sleep.
She pulled her keys out of her handbag and positioned them between her fingers, sharp edges pointing out between her knuckles. She’d read somewhere that was a way to good way to defend yourself if anybody ever grabbed you and she felt like she had to do something. “What did you do when you realized there was somebody in your car, Mrs. Hubbard?” I walked right up to it and let him assault me, officer.” She looked down at her hand, now bristling with tiny multi-coloured wedges of metal and felt slightly foolish. Then she tried to picture herself actually hitting anybody with it and opened her fingers, dropping the keys back into her bag.
Right then. She took a deep breath and walked in a wide circle around the car until she was on the driver’s side. Keeping enough of a distance that she could sprint for it if she had to, she bent forward slightly at the waist and peered in through the window, her muscles tensed for flight.
Her eyes widened and her body sagged. Her mouth fell open.
She scooped her keys into her hand – for the third time – and fumbled her car key into the lock. She pulled the door open only long enough to slap the button that brought up the interior lights, then stepped back, staring into the interior of her car.
Slumped across the passenger seat of her car, it’s “head” lolling against the headrest, was a six foot-long flaccid human penis.
I got tired of beer after three and got into the gin. I would have switched over to wine, but there is a big pile of dirt and a bicycle blocking the wine rack so I said Fuck It.
It's a very strong gin.
This may call for a trip to the store soon for more mix. Unless I can give the liquor cabinet enough of the evil eye that it snarfs up some drinkable combination. I do have coke but I can only drink a few of those before I start burping sugar.
The heater is finally starting to kick in. I was contemplating digging out a sleeping bag if it got much colder.
Or maybe it's the gin and I just don't feel it any more.
Diane Hubbard was leaving the Just For Women Fitness Centre where she worked out every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. It was early evening on a crisp fall night and the shadows were already creeping across the parking lot where she had left her car.
She shivered a little and pulled her cover-up a little closer around her. Not that it provided any warmth. It was intended only for modesty as she passed to and from the conditioning room. Diane had overheard a conversation between two of the trainers at the gym where one had said that Mary Pickford must live in that navel-and-cleavage-revealing spandex get-up she always wore. The other had replied that a woman has to spend more money on advertising once she reached 40, and both the men had laughed. Diane had gone out bought the cover-up the next day, spending probably more than she should have on one that perfectly matched the rest of her workout gear.
It was Mary Pickford’s fault she was so late tonight. She and Diane had mounted adjacent elliptical machines at the exact same time and Diane had felt compelled to keep going until the other woman quit as well. If it had been any of the other regulars it wouldn’t have mattered, but Mary seemed to excel at making everything into an unspoken competition. Now she was going to have to run home and get dinner in the oven before even getting her shower. Jim would be home by now and he hated having to wait for his food.
She was drawing close to where she had parked her car and she reached into her bag to pull out her keys. Something in the way the shadows draped across the window of the vehicle made her pause. It didn’t look quite right. Surely… surely there wasn’t somebody sitting in her car?
She glanced nervously around her. Hers was one of only a few cars left in the lot; the after-work rush at the fitness centre was well over and they would be closing in less than an hour. She briefly considered going back in and asking one of the desk staff to come outside and check her car for her. Then she thought of what would happen if it really was just a trick of the shadows and rejected the plan. She could already picture Jim telling the story to their friends, describing her fear of a mere shadow with that condescending amusement that made her fantasize about strangling him. Forget it. She’d make good and sure there was something to actually ask for help with first.
She took a few tentative steps closer. It did look like something or somebody was in the passenger seat. She couldn’t make out a head, just the silhouette of a rounded shape slumped against the head rest. Maybe somebody had left a bag or something in her car? Maybe… maybe she had left the door unlocked and one of the homeless people who occasionally haunted the parking lot had crawled in there to sleep.
She pulled her keys out of her handbag and positioned them between her fingers, sharp edges pointing out between her knuckles. She’d read somewhere that was a way to good way to defend yourself if anybody ever grabbed you and she felt like she had to do something. “What did you do when you realized there was somebody in your car, Mrs. Hubbard?” I walked right up to it and let him assault me, officer.” She looked down at her hand, now bristling with tiny multi-coloured wedges of metal and felt slightly foolish. Then she tried to picture herself actually hitting anybody with it and opened her fingers, dropping the keys back into her bag.
Right then. She took a deep breath and walked in a wide circle around the car until she was on the driver’s side. Keeping enough of a distance that she could sprint for it if she had to, she bent forward slightly at the waist and peered in through the window, her muscles tensed for flight.
Her eyes widened and her body sagged. Her mouth fell open.
She scooped her keys into her hand – for the third time – and fumbled her car key into the lock. She pulled the door open only long enough to slap the button that brought up the interior lights, then stepped back, staring into the interior of her car.
Slumped across the passenger seat of her car, it’s “head” lolling against the headrest, was a six foot-long flaccid human penis.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 02:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 03:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 03:12 am (UTC)Is it sad that the first thing I wondered was what she did with her Wednesday nights then?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 03:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 03:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 03:57 am (UTC)Am I right? Tell me I'm right! [OK don't tell me I'm right if I'm wrong].
[Weeeeeeeeeeeee!]
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 04:54 am (UTC)So I leave the interpretation up to the reader.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 05:16 am (UTC)I agree! It was never a consideration it just leapt right into my mental imagery as A True Fact [who circumcised this giant penis? I do not know... but darn it all... that thing is 6' and in a car seat and circumcised].
So I leave the interpretation up to the reader.
Well if ya'll run out of material [nevah!] before booze I think they'll need to be a post-story Official LJ POLL! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 10:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-04 05:25 pm (UTC)I certainly want to see where you are going with this! :oD
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-08 02:33 pm (UTC)That's really funny. I love the build-up.