baby steps my pale ass
Jan. 18th, 2011 04:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanSo. Things.
I've been in this weird kind of transitional state lately. I've been having more frequent and more intense anxiety attacks - pretty much any time I walk into a room with more than three people in it. I get the shakes and the cold sweats and I feel like my heart is going to explode. Yet as evil as they are while I'm having one for some reason the after-effects seem to be bothering me a lot less. Lately I've noticed that I seem to be able to shake off the mental and physical exhaustion they cause in a much shorter time period. Used to be that something like a funeral or a wedding would lay me out for weeks - now I feel kind of drained for about day and then I'm ready to start over.
It's very odd. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of either getting a lot better or just falling off the ledge entirely. Since I am bloody-minded by nature of course I'm planting every last one of my chips on the "better" square and just bulldozing ahead.
So I fulfilled the first part of New Year Resolution number 1 and marched into the 'Y' yesterday to renew my membership. On the busiest hour of the busiest day of the week at the busiest time of year. I walked around the entire building and hyperventilated for a while at the thought of actually trying to have a workout in that environment. And then made a date with a personal trainer for this Saturday. So you know. Bulldozer.
I've also started keeping a food diary. I went to a dietitian to try and sort out what I think may be vitamin deficiencies caused by lack of fat absorption. She was more focused on my uric acid levels - which is fair enough, it's probably better to deal with that before it causes any actual problems[1]. I strongly suspect she also has a weight-loss agenda, but we'll see. She gave me some sample menus but although they list the daily nutrient counts the numbers are all over the place and they don't include any actual targets - so I have no idea how much of the fat soluble vitamins I'm actually supposed to be aiming to get on a daily basis. I figure I'll just write everything down and we'll have a look at it during my next appointment.
House stuff is going to be slow for the first little while. I need to sort out the finances first and I've been spending pretty much all my free time up until now dealing with de-mousing. Little bastards. i hope the mutant centipede gets them all. And on food prep. If I ever win the lottery the first thing I am spending the money on is a cook.
[1]Gout runs in my family[2]. I've never had an attack in my life but my bloodwork tends to run very high.
[2]Also lung problems, gallstones, immune system issues, weird feet, bad eyesight, osteoporosis, GERD, and mental health issues. I blame centuries of inbreeding. It's not a very big island.
So you know. Things.
How is your January going?
I've been in this weird kind of transitional state lately. I've been having more frequent and more intense anxiety attacks - pretty much any time I walk into a room with more than three people in it. I get the shakes and the cold sweats and I feel like my heart is going to explode. Yet as evil as they are while I'm having one for some reason the after-effects seem to be bothering me a lot less. Lately I've noticed that I seem to be able to shake off the mental and physical exhaustion they cause in a much shorter time period. Used to be that something like a funeral or a wedding would lay me out for weeks - now I feel kind of drained for about day and then I'm ready to start over.
It's very odd. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of either getting a lot better or just falling off the ledge entirely. Since I am bloody-minded by nature of course I'm planting every last one of my chips on the "better" square and just bulldozing ahead.
So I fulfilled the first part of New Year Resolution number 1 and marched into the 'Y' yesterday to renew my membership. On the busiest hour of the busiest day of the week at the busiest time of year. I walked around the entire building and hyperventilated for a while at the thought of actually trying to have a workout in that environment. And then made a date with a personal trainer for this Saturday. So you know. Bulldozer.
I've also started keeping a food diary. I went to a dietitian to try and sort out what I think may be vitamin deficiencies caused by lack of fat absorption. She was more focused on my uric acid levels - which is fair enough, it's probably better to deal with that before it causes any actual problems[1]. I strongly suspect she also has a weight-loss agenda, but we'll see. She gave me some sample menus but although they list the daily nutrient counts the numbers are all over the place and they don't include any actual targets - so I have no idea how much of the fat soluble vitamins I'm actually supposed to be aiming to get on a daily basis. I figure I'll just write everything down and we'll have a look at it during my next appointment.
House stuff is going to be slow for the first little while. I need to sort out the finances first and I've been spending pretty much all my free time up until now dealing with de-mousing. Little bastards. i hope the mutant centipede gets them all. And on food prep. If I ever win the lottery the first thing I am spending the money on is a cook.
[1]Gout runs in my family[2]. I've never had an attack in my life but my bloodwork tends to run very high.
[2]Also lung problems, gallstones, immune system issues, weird feet, bad eyesight, osteoporosis, GERD, and mental health issues. I blame centuries of inbreeding. It's not a very big island.
So you know. Things.
How is your January going?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-18 10:10 pm (UTC)Anxiety attacks, plar. :-(
*brum* *brummmmm*
Bulldozers of the world UNITE.
Date: 2011-01-18 10:53 pm (UTC)In the processing department, I'm starting to feel really angry about some stuff, which I think is progress actually. It certainly has more forward momentum than the sad, I just want it get better place I've been in.
I only had one resolution per se, and it was to change how we handle mealtimes with Rhiannon. My hope had been to move to feeding her at set times instead of on demand, and to have family dinner together at the table at least twice a week. This has been going really well. I didn't expect it to make my life easier, but it does. We've been having dinner at the table most nights and are managing some breakfasts and afternoon snacks as well. The more formal afternoon snacks especially have had a noticeable impact on Rhiannon's mood and behavior. Now to keep this going and I can call it a success.
I've been gaming. It's FUN. Who knew?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-19 01:47 pm (UTC)M.