Do you feel like 1959?

[the_siobhan]

Gah. Can't comment on half of the LJ posts today, because I get some of them give me a pop-up saying my workplace is "considering" a block because the URL has been identified as web blogging site.

That's banks for you. Finger on the pulse, etc.

Anyway.

There was a discussion on a friend's FB recently about her upcoming marriage, and how while she is looking forward to the wedding and to being married to her partner, the prospect of being called "husband and wife" really skeeves her out.

I get that. Hoo boy, do I get that.

There have been a couple of times that I have talked to Axel about how I occasionally wished that we hadn't gotten married. Not because I regret marrying him (I don't), or because it wasn't fun (it was), but because of all the assumptions that other people put on our relationship because of it. Those grate on my nerves big time.

But you want to know what really drives me spare? It's when people change my name.

The absolute worst people for doing that seem to be contractors. I can't tell you how many times I have had to tell workmen, "That is not my name." We hire all our contractors through a central agency, and even though I set up the account and both our names are on it, they insist on calling me up and asking for "Mrs Johnston".

The last fucking straw was when I hired some guys to redo the floor in my sister's condo. They never spoke to Axel. They never met Axel. All arrangements were made by me. They had my contact info. My name was on the cheque I gave them. And when they finished the job they dropped the key off in the condo office in an envelope - labelled with Axel's last name. The office freaked out and wouldn't give back the fucking key without a copy of the ownership.

That was over a week ago and I am still ready to just about fucking skin somebody every time I think about it. It just might end up being the next person who calls me "Mrs Johnston".

Comments

[kalmn]

We just got a card from the inlaws to congratulate us on pending kid two, addressed to Matt ad Betsy hislastname. I told Matt he had to call and talk with his mother, which he did. It wasn't that she thought i changed my name, it's just that it's EASIER to just put us both under his. Excuse me but fuck no. My last name is three letters shorter, if you want to go for easier. I have no compunction about vindictively addressing their birthday cards, if this shit comes up again.

[the_siobhan]

Gah. Just No. *incoherant flailing*

[greylock]

My mother, on sending us an anniversary card for 20 years, wrote both of our names:
Firstname Lastname + Firstname Lastname.
I didn't notice anything until she apologised (because I am private) that she had previously sent cards to Firstname + Firstname.

In conclusion: older people are confusing.

I have no compunction about vindictively addressing their birthday cards, if this shit comes up again.

If you think it is worth the fight, do so. Did they do the same with kid one?
Personally, I think we're in this blip between The Old Way and the New Way, and older people are confused and they default to some inherent behaviours.

Like how EVERY FUCKING TIME I get asked when we're going to get married and have kids by my partner's extended family (or my boss). As if the fact we have been together 20 years and are almost out of the kidzone is .... not important.

*stab*

[the_siobhan]

Axel's mother sent us one card that was addressed to us both by his name. We asked her to change and she did. No problem.

I get that sometimes people don't know, but once they get told they DO know and that's no longer an excuse.

[greylock]

She's doing it right then.

[kalmn]

We were not yet married for kid one, which I think somehow makes a difference to her.

[erik]

When I was married, it was about 50/50. Everyone assumed we had the same last name, but it seemed to be whomever they met first. So about half the time we were Mr and Mrs Me, and the other half we were Mr and Mrs Her. In almost no case were we Mr Me and Mrs Her.

Except her grandmother, for whom we were always Mr and Mrs Me no matter how often we corrected her.

[the_siobhan]

I just stop responding after a while. Because you know, if you wanted my attention you would CALL ME BY MY FUCKING NAME. I've also threatened to start returning mail with "Not at this address."

I get that for most people it's not the hill they want to die on, but I actually feel pretty strongly about my name, so I can get friggin' unreasonable about it.

[erik]

Oh certainly.
"Is this Mr Her?"
"sorry, I don't want to buy what you're selling."
"Pardon me? I need to speak with Mr Her..."
"No you don't. If your business was legitimate, you'd know there is no Mr Her. Good day."
"But..."
"I said good day." *click*

I have no patience for telephone solicitors in any case, so it's an extra fillip when I get to make them seem to be idiots.

[greylock]

a block because the URL has been identified as web blogging site

A good thing Dreamwidth.... exists?

the prospect of being called "husband and wife" really skeeves her out.

It kinda goes with the whole "relationship that is recognised by church and state" thing, though. You get married, that's a thing that will happen. And that's before the name thing (which is a discussion I had at the pub last night).

but because of all the assumptions that other people put on our relationship because of it.

Fun fact: It ain't 'cause you're married (did I know that?).
We get it all the time.
And it's 2014. People still can't wrap their heads around the fact we are not married and have different names.

they insist on calling me up and asking for "Mrs Johnston".

Way back when I used to have to ask if people wanted to be Miss/Mrs/Ms. It sucked, but it was part of my job. I can't figure out why your naming issue happens, but it does. It's a process, not necessarily the person.

Still crappy, mind.

But it is not a fight you will win in your lifetime.

[the_siobhan]

When our friend Liz was in town once, she and Axel went to Detroit for the weekend to hang out with friends. I had to work on Saturday so we all had breakfast together at the coffee shop next to work, then they hopped into the car and I went in.

Well it turned out that a couple of my co-workers saw us. And they could not wrap their heads around the fact that Axel & a female friend were going somewhere for the weekend and I wasn't going with them. It was like the words weren't in English or something.

After about the 20th iteration of, "But you could have asked to have the day off," I finally said, "Look, I don't want to go. They do. Give it up, already."

They still brought it up every single day for weeks.

But it is not a fight you will win in your lifetime.

Possibly not. Don't intend to stop trying though.

[greylock]

And they could not wrap their heads around the fact that Axel & a female friend were going somewhere for the weekend and I wasn't going with them. It was like the words weren't in English or something.


OH I KNOW THIS ONE.
Do you get the "one stays home, one goes out = END OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE" questions?
The number of people..... RAR!

Possibly not. Don't intend to stop trying though.

Keep fighting.

[the_siobhan]

Oh yeah. Hey, not actually joined at the fucking hip, people!

I don't even ..

[(Anonymous)]

You know the most interesting normals of anyone I know. One can only speculate on what they were actually thinking. Actually, could have been a pretty fun troll:

You: "What could possible go wrong?"

Them: "But they're .. (trying to think of a euphemism to spare your feelings) .. alone .. together"

You: "So?"

Them: "Without you .. "

You: "And?"

Them: "But .. /things/ could happen .. "

You: "What kind of /things/?"


And so on into season two.



M. Sharkey

Then there's this.

[(Anonymous)]

Steph has some pretty funny stories of being out alone and getting hit on - then they notice her wedding ring:


"Does your husband know you're out?"

"Your husband lets you out?"

"I guess your husband trusts you - that's so cool."


I can't even ..



M. Sharkey