friends without benefit

[the_siobhan]

questionoftheday asks: Would you want to be friends with yourself? Why or why not?

My answer:

I'm honestly not sure how to answer this question. I'm kind of a mess.

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I am not a person who is good at anything you might label "self-care".

Medication I am supposed to take, appointments I am supposed to make, things I am supposed to do to keep this lumpy painful meatsack going, or even just slightly less lumpy and painful... I don't decide not to do them, I just can't seem to keep the thought in my head for more than five minutes. "I have to make a point of doing this every day" turns into doing it once and then not doing it ever again ever.

I am trying to be better at this and I decided the best way to pick up a bunch of new habits was to attack them one at a time and try to normalize them. There are suppliments for my joints that I should be taking and so a month ago I plonked a big bottle onto my desk where I can't help seeing it. This has resulted in me taking them... about half the time. I doesn't feel like a habit yet, I still have to think about it, but my joints feel slightly less like they are trying to kill me so I'll take it as a win.

Step 2 is to try and get more exercise which should be slightly easier now that I crunch less when I move. And now that we have air conditioning. I swear by all the household gods, we turned it on for the first time this weekend and it's already changed my friggin' life.

Also on the list is "drink less" and "sleep more". Those will be easier once Step 2 has kicked in properly.

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Darrell's ashes will be buried on Monday and I am dreading it. When Fiona died the viewing was a couple of hours before the actual funeral, then we buried her immediately afterwards. For Darrell there was a viewing, the funeral the following day, and now the burial almost four months later. Back in March there was so much going on and it was all so overwhelming I was just trying to get through each day, now I have had weeks to anticipate how much it's all going to suck. I just want it to be over.

And then on Tuesday I have to get up in the morning and figure out what I'm going to do about living the rest of my life.

**********************

I've stepped back from Facebook again. I will delete my account entirely after the burial. That definitely counts as self-care, because fuck that hellsite.

So yeah, that's the state of the nation right now. Depressed. Fighting it.

Comments

[misbegotten]

<3

[sabotabby]

All very understandable. Wishing you strength to get through it.

[elusis]

Lots of love, Sio. That sounds hard.

[runcible]

When my Dad passed away, there were several months between the day of his death and the actual service - and that was a day that was purely to be endured, nothing more. I hope you can get through it with as few bumps and scrapes as possible on your heart.

[kalmn]

Don't start drinking less until at least a week after the funeral. Trying to drink less in the middle of that shit is just not good.

[the_siobhan]

Oh yeah.

[chasing_silver]

I feel this on the self-care level. I am so horrendously bad at it. <3 I hope things level out for you soon.

[kest]

Love to you. Are you ADD at all? Or is it only just specifically self care stuff? Or is it habits in general? I find I get the best results from habits by trying to link them to something else, like, when I get up, I pee, wash my face, and take my pill. (I'm supposed to take it half an hour before breakfast.) Also I try to make it easy on myself - a water glass lives next to them in addition to them being visible, for example. I've tried having 'habit' apps on my phone with alarms for various things but mostly I just ignore the alarms. The one I like best, though, is called Fabulous, and it leads you through an intro program that starts with drinking more water and goes on through getting exercise and builds it into a little routine, and it's based on psychological studies on good habit formation. (I liked the program but after it was done, I found it less useful. There's other programs but they're mostly 'premium'. )

Good luck with the burial. My grandparents' memorial in May was months after their passing, and while it was nice to have it not so fresh and be able to focus on spending time with the extended family, I also found I left it feeling more unfinished and with reopened grief than when I went in. I think there's a tension between wanting to have the event be an occasion to call it finished and put the pain away, and of course wanting to keep them alive in at least thoughts and memories. Death is superdumb, is my point, really. <3

[the_siobhan]

I seem to have a set number of habits I can maintain and that number is currently used up by job & house stuff.

It probably doesn't help that I live with somebody who has actual ADHD and so some of my habit slots are taken up by things like, "check the gas is turned off on the stove, check the doors are all locked before you go to bed, etc..."

[notasupervillain]

Hugs. Quitting Facebook felt amazing. Definitely self care.

As for being my friend - it's less about am I a perfect person, and more am I someone who tries to be a good friend? And I think I do. So yes?

[greylock]

I am not a person who is good at anything you might label "self-care".

Me either, but better than you, it seems.
I just set reminders in my phone...and I have pushed all my pill taking to the same time each day.

I'm with you on the "sleep more".

Air con is great. Sure, it kills the planet, but... you're prepared for the bill shock?

Good luck with the funeral. I hope you cope okay.

[the_siobhan]

I put off getting air con for over a decade, but the city keeps getting hotter and everybody else keeps driving their cars... and I was so sick last summer.

I'm hoping it's not too expensive. We don't have a very big house and one of our walls is shared.

And thank you.

[greylock]

I was anti-air con for the same reason. I had a rule that I would only turn it on on 35C days. It does help.

Our power bills used to treble, if it helps.

[disastrid]

Love to you. This sounds so fucking hard, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

I may be back in the environs for a long period this fall. We should hang.