angst-a-go-go

[the_siobhan]

I'm trying to decide what I am going to do about my job.

I have gotten to the point where I just can't fucking stand it there any more. The work is boring. The boss is a cunt. The drama and the backstabbing and pettiness and the constant fucking bitching is mind-numbing. The pay is shit. The shifts are killing me. (The new schedule has me working all three shifts in a fortnight period.) I'm at the point where I dread going -- and I'm feeling trapped, which is Siobhan's Number One Psychosis Trigger of All Time.

I knew this place was going to have a two-year lifespan before it started driving me nuts. And I've been there for just over that.

But this is the thing, I stay there because it's really really flexible. I can get holidays whenever I want them. I can switch shifts with people if there are specific times I need to get off.

The work I do for LD50 requires a lot of weird-ass hours. I spend a surprising amount of time talking to people who keep office hours, so being able to be accessable during a weekday is a distinct advantage. But I'm also constantly dealing with situations where I'm at shows and venues at night, and at least half of the other people in the company work 9-5, so having my evenings free on a semi-regular basis is essential. Give me a couple of full days off in the middle of the week, and I can accomplish 90% of my to-do list in a couple of days. But having every weekend booked would get right in the way.

So even though I hate hate hate the shifting schedule it's the main advantage to keeping this job. It also sure as hell doesn't hurt that I can be home to deal with contractors when some part of the house falls off.

If I had a year or two where I could work on LD50 and NOTHING ELSE, I'm convenced I could make it profitable enough to support me. But I don't have the money to take that time off of everything else, so it only gets my attention half of the time.

If I go for another job in the same company, I'd have to work static shifts. I could hunt for a job elsewhere, but that takes time. And I'm fucking swamped to the tits now, I honestly don't know how the hell I could find the resources to job hunt on top of everything else that I'm doing.

But if I stay -- I'm miserable.

I really have no fucking clue what I'm going to do.

Comments

[pfrank.livejournal.com]

I feel ya. I'm trying to work myself out of my own trap right now. Hopefully neither of us will have to gnaw off a leg to do it...

[ferretboi.livejournal.com]

well wish I could offer some advice other then it'll sort as things always do. It's a tough call. I know I've had to make similar choices before. When TJ offered me the gig at Questek for the first time I was really excited but not sure what to do with my government job and the potential of keeping it in question it made it really hard to decide. Just go with your gut, that's all I can say. It's served you well in the past and I know you've got a guy who'll be there for you as well as a lot of friends who'll do their best to help with any decision you make too.

Hey, you stole my life!

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that for the past two years. It sucked large. And I didn't even have the benefit of a flexible schedule.

What will you do? In all likelihood, you'll do what I did.

Full time job, LD50 and job hunt, all at the same time. You'll get very little sleep, it'll be stressful as all hell, and it's really the only choice you have. If your effort pays off, you'll have a better job in the end.

Some days when HellHole was really bad, all that got me through was the thought that I was taking active steps to get the fuck out of there, and that sooner or later, it had to pay off.

If you need any help with resumes or cover letters, gimme a call.

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[elixxir.livejournal.com]

I second that. I also have lots of time on my hands currently if you want another set of eyes for your resume and cover letter. And if you let me know what you're looking for I can keep an eye on the job boards for you since I'm looking anyways. :)

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

The very idea of getting less sleep than I do now made me burst into tears on the spot.

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Sorry, that wasn't my intent. Just being rather bluntly honest about the reality of multi-tasking as a way of life. :/ It won't last forever, I promise.

I'd definitely take Lixx and Amy up on their offers to forward job listings to you. Do you know people working at jobs or companies that you'd like to work at? If so, a couple of quick phone calls could do wonders. I got my new job through an internal referral.

What it comes down to is, what will stress you out more? Staying at your current job or looking for a new one?

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Sorry, that wasn't my intent. Just being rather bluntly honest about the reality of multi-tasking as a way of life. :/

Um. Do you really think I don't know about the reality of multi-tasking?

Or is that not what you meant?

What it comes down to is, what will stress you out more? Staying at your current job or looking for a new one?

I honestly don't know. There's something about the idea of spending all that time and effort to get out of a job I don't want just so I can go work at a different job I don't want that just depresses the hell out of me.

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Um. Do you really think I don't know about the reality of multi-tasking?

FFS, of course I know that you know about the reality of multi-tasking. Give me a bit of credit eh?

Or is that not what you meant?

What I meant is the very specific sort of multi-tasking that job-hunting requires.

IME, I can balance day job/freelancing/school/LD50/relationships etc. all fairly well, but throwing job-hunting into the mix really queers things up.

It's demanding, and for me, emotionally wrenching in a way that my other commitments aren't.

There's something about the idea of spending all that time and effort to get out of a job I don't want just so I can go work at a different job I don't want that just depresses the hell out of me.

Being entirely pragmatic, LD50 isn't going to support any of us for a while, probably another year at least. Why spend that year miserable and underpaid? When I was in your shoes, the grind of the day job started spilling over into LD50, and I resented that like hell.

If the job hunt results in a job that pays you more and that you don't mind going to, there's two stressors gone.

The offer of resume help still stands if you want it.

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

IME, I can balance day job/freelancing/school/LD50/relationships etc. all fairly well, but throwing job-hunting into the mix really queers things up.

It's demanding, and for me, emotionally wrenching in a way that my other commitments aren't.

Exactly.

The offer of resume help still stands if you want it.

I do appreciate the offer, don't get me wrong. I just don't see how it's possible to take on what would be another major project on top of the 60-80 hour work-week I'm already putting in.

Re: Hey, you stole my life!

[the_axel]

Would I be able to take advantage of some resume help?

A management position has just opened up at work and I want to snag it.

But -
1) I hate writing resumes.
2) I haven't looked at one in the four years since I started here.
3) I hate writing resumes.
4) Due to a not paying attention while typing words like "fdisk" and "format" on my computer last summer, all my resumes were corrupted so I don't have a soft copy of one.
5) I really fucking hate writing resumes.
6) I have to write a cover letter too, which I hate doing possibly even more than the resume writing.

It has to be done by next Friday (06/02/2003) so if you have some time free over then next week to stop me from becoming a skinhead again I'd be mighty grateful.

[theonetrinity.livejournal.com]

i'm searching the job postings every day... let me know what you are looking for...

[snickerpuss.livejournal.com]

Hey! That's absolutely the best time - when you don't know what the fuck you're going to do, I mean. Because you know that when you get to that point, something exciting always ends up happening. If you knew what was going to come next, well, that would kind of spoil the surprise.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I have to kill you now.

Nothing personal.

[snickerpuss.livejournal.com]

Heh. Admit it. You know I'm right.

However, out of all the women on my Friends List, you'd be the one I'd like most to kick my ass. :)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

You need to get the hell out before it burns you out and affects your health, but don't worry too much about looking for a new job. Tell everyone you know to tell everyone who know that you're looking (and how damn wonderful you are), and something will come up. Practise rolling sixes in the long hours of your shift, I'm sure that'll help :)

Re:

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

It's too much of a risk.

No regular income = no place to live.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

It's a rotten situation you find yourself in.

I can empathize a bit, what with trying to prize myself away from The Job by ramping The Career up slowly which translates into "working two jobs" a lot of the time. And not having enough time to take the steps necessary to really fuel-inject The Career. Then there's the whole "I should be writing a dissertation" problem...

So I am feeling your sense of being burnt out and trapped.

All I can say is, break each large problem down into smaller bits and pick bits that seem do-able.

Is there any way to talk to your job people about getting you a schedule that's a little less insane? Rotating among 3 shifts is just hazardous to one's health, and bad for one's effectiveness at work.

Re:

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

The person in charge of the department left and the office wank who is temporarily doing the schedule hates it, hates us, sucks at it, and is a screaming cunt anyway.

When her screw-ups actually violate the union rules about spacing shifts we've been able to get them changed, but that's about it. The only real stability will come once we get a dedicated person in the department again, one who doesn't resent being there.

There's a full-time slot opening up soon and I'm next in line for senority. (I'm technically permanent part-time.) If I take it it will mean stat holidays off, fewer weekends and no more shift flipping mid-schedule. BUT it will also mean $200 less per paycheque.

bangs head on desk

Maybe I'll just rob a bank.

Re:

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

However

Somebody just suggested to me that I show my schedule to health & safety and see what they say.

Definitely worth a try.