three up, one down

[the_siobhan]

Saw the Pixies last night.

\m/

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As of yesterday my mother is out of the hospital. She was in with a bad gall bladder. She likes being laid up about as much as I do, so she was getting pretty restless and cranky. (On the phone to one of my sisters, "Today I gave J__ shit, and gave F__ shit, so I must be feeling better."

She's home now, so that is a Great Big Relief.

You know, signs of age on my own body make me wrinkle my forehead momentarily, shrug and get on with my life.

Signs of aging on my parents... those scare me.

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Had a bunch of beers on Saturday night. (And some vodka shots too, damn your evil supervillan powers, caspervonb!) Passed the rest of the week without hating myself for having said something offensive or done anything obnoxious. (Not that I know I didn't say something offensive or do anything obnoxious, but I don't feel like cutting my own head off over it.) So that's a step up.

My moods have actually leveled out remarkably since I weaned myself off the daily crutch. I don't get so many of the "I Can Take Over The World" days, but I also don't get the "Better Off Dead" days either - and the latter were getting a lot more frequent than the former.

I've had low days, but they've been normal "too much on my plate, worried about X, stressed out about Y" days and they respond to normal cheer-up techniques. And I haven't had a major anxiety episode at all.

Having posted that in public I predict I will now have three in a row. Still, it's knowledge, and that's always useful.

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I have been (finally) unpacking the nine boxes of clothes and crap that have been sitting around in the basement since we moved in. And have discovered, that in fact, I have lots of clothes. That don't fit me.

So... either throw out/give away/sell at a loss literally thousands of dollars worth of clothes, and buy thousands of dollars worth of replacement clothes.

Or.

Forceably starve myself for X number of months to get my butt back into what I have.

Christ. I'm turning into a girl.

Comments

[disastrid.livejournal.com]

firstly, i have never known you to do/say something obnoxious or offensive or act like an idiot when out drinking. i think you're being overly hard on yourself.

secondly, glad your mum's okay.

thirdly, re clothes ... my solution to all that lately has been to Get Rid Of what doesn't fit (like, for example, the clothes i have from highschool) because it will only serve to depress you. more important questions are things like "am i healthy? should i exercise more to get my heart pumping?" are much more pertinent questions, i find, than "how much bigger is my ass now than when i was eighteen? how can i stand to be seen in public?", which start to happen when i'm continually comparing my body now to how it was x number of years ago.

but that's just me, and i'm a girl, so feel free to tell me to take my observations and shove em.

[inulro.livejournal.com]

much more pertinent questions, i find, than "how much bigger is my ass now than when i was eighteen?

In my case, it's "how much bigger is my ass now than when I was 30?", which can be problematic. It doesn't help that the extra weight is a direct result of ill health. People keep telling me I look better now I'm bigger, but due to some weird physiology on my part, it's not actually good for me.

As to "how can I be seen in public", I occasionally take perverse pleasure in inflicting my ugly & badly dressed self on the outside world. But I'm a bitch that way.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

"firstly, i have never known you to do/say something obnoxious or offensive or act like an idiot when out drinking. i think you're being overly hard on yourself."

Logically I know I'm not any more obnoxious than the rest of the crew I'm out with when I'm drinking.

But the Creeping Brain Rot is impervious to logic.