stupid human tricks; episode eleventy billion in a series

[the_siobhan]

I broke a bottle of hot sauce tonight.

Not only did I break a bottle of hot sauce. I broke a bottle of Evil Motherfucker Brimstone Spunk of the Devil Incarnate Pure Jabanero With a Dash of Nuclear Fucking Waste hot sauce.

Not only did I break a bottle of Evil Motherfucker Brimstone Spunk of the Devil Incarnate Pure Jabanero With a Dash of Nuclear Fucking Waste hot sauce, I broke it above my fucking head.

I was putting something on a high shelf where I couldn't quite see what I was doing, I drop the jar, and suddenly I hear glass break and I'm covered in brown goop all down the front of my arms and shirt.

I knew immediately what it was because all my NOSE AND EYEBROW HAIRS INSTANTLY FELL OUT. I managed to get my shirt off without getting any of it in my eyes or nose, THANK SWEET BABY JESUS but not without getting it ALL THE FUCK OVER MY HANDS. And it WILL NOT WASH OFF. Every single time I forget and start to chew on my nails it's like a FUCKING ROOT CANAL all over again.

I'm just praying I don't forget and do something really stupid like rub my eyes. Or have to pee.

Need I also mention that I keep some of my very favourite very sensitive mucous membranes in the front of my shirt? BECAUSE I AM VERY AWARE OF THIS FACT RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I am going to go take an ice bath. And contemplate having myself sealed in carbon as the only possible way to stop doing stupid stupid stupid shit to myself.

Comments

[erik]

use butter. the hotness is an oily stuff. Butter will float it away better than water.
Then you can use soap to wash off the butter.

[ihcoyc.livejournal.com]

This. Or just rub yourself down with salad oil, probably cheaper. This is why milk works when water doesn't after you've eaten something too hot: it's fat soluble but not water soluble, and in fact water tends to make it sting the worse.

The end of this week was a local harvest festival in my hometown. I came home with a quart box of mostly Scotch Bonnets and tree chilis from the farmer's market. Made jerk chicken with one of the Scotch Bonnets, and set the rest of them in vinegar. You can tell for a day afterward that you have been handling that stuff, no matter what precaution you take.

[erik]

I would have said "any oil" too, until recently. I recently learned that there are enzymes in milk that specifically help break down capsaiscin.