older != wiser
Mar. 11th, 2005 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_siobhanI just left my last childfree community.
I first heard the term way back on Usenet, when people talked about identifying as someone who has actively chosen not to have kids. I lurked on and off in alt.support.childfree. I dropped it when it just got too busy. I don't think I ever made it as far as the moderated version.
When I started looking at communities on LJ I checked out the main childfree one, but I didn't stick around after reading only a few posts. Too many "OMG biology is so GROOOOSSSSSS" posts and sad stories about horrible parents.
But I stumbled across this latest one and thought it might have some potential. It was specifically designed to eliminate both the teenagers and the parents who inexplicably want to come in and talk about their kids. The moderator accepts new members only with references or after checking out their profiles to make sure they are over 30.
Yeah, I know there are tons of clueless over-30's out there, and lots of people who are younger who don't necessarily think "acceptance" means "for me and nobody else". But I had hoped that the level of care in admitting people meant that the culture in general would be a more mature one. That it would be a place where people would actually talk about what it means to actively chose to not raise children. How that relates to our politics. To talk about cultural pressures and family reactions and what happens when a partner starts to hear their biological clock. Hell, just a place to share once in a while how nice it is to have disposable income (ha!) and the house to yourself once in a while.
But no, turns out it's just yet another place to bitch about how unfair it is to have to be forced to share a planet with children and how repulsive it is whenever one is forced to acknowledge their existance. A safe space where people can call women "moos" and "breeders".
And you can bet I got brushed off when I protested that one. It felt much like it would if somebody just made a casual racial slur in front of me, assuming they had my automatic approval just because I'm white.
Fuck 'em. I have friends both with and without kids and everybody is welcome in my house.
Or will be once we've covered up all the lethal bits.
I first heard the term way back on Usenet, when people talked about identifying as someone who has actively chosen not to have kids. I lurked on and off in alt.support.childfree. I dropped it when it just got too busy. I don't think I ever made it as far as the moderated version.
When I started looking at communities on LJ I checked out the main childfree one, but I didn't stick around after reading only a few posts. Too many "OMG biology is so GROOOOSSSSSS" posts and sad stories about horrible parents.
But I stumbled across this latest one and thought it might have some potential. It was specifically designed to eliminate both the teenagers and the parents who inexplicably want to come in and talk about their kids. The moderator accepts new members only with references or after checking out their profiles to make sure they are over 30.
Yeah, I know there are tons of clueless over-30's out there, and lots of people who are younger who don't necessarily think "acceptance" means "for me and nobody else". But I had hoped that the level of care in admitting people meant that the culture in general would be a more mature one. That it would be a place where people would actually talk about what it means to actively chose to not raise children. How that relates to our politics. To talk about cultural pressures and family reactions and what happens when a partner starts to hear their biological clock. Hell, just a place to share once in a while how nice it is to have disposable income (ha!) and the house to yourself once in a while.
But no, turns out it's just yet another place to bitch about how unfair it is to have to be forced to share a planet with children and how repulsive it is whenever one is forced to acknowledge their existance. A safe space where people can call women "moos" and "breeders".
And you can bet I got brushed off when I protested that one. It felt much like it would if somebody just made a casual racial slur in front of me, assuming they had my automatic approval just because I'm white.
Fuck 'em. I have friends both with and without kids and everybody is welcome in my house.
Or will be once we've covered up all the lethal bits.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 02:13 pm (UTC)I can't tell you how many times I've been lectured and scolded over my decision not to have children. Let's not even get into the accusations that I'm selfish, cold, self-absorbed, uncaring, immature and lacking in compassion.
I don't care if other people want to have children. I just want people to respect my choice to not have any, but as
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 05:56 pm (UTC)I often get the same thing when people find out I don't want kids. Then you would see them get visibly confused when they found out I worked with children and adolescents and hope to continue to do so when I graduate. The confusion would then be followed by "oh, you'll come around" and "you're so young, you don't know what you want yet".
I would then do all I could to keep my hands from punching them in the face, especially because of the latter comments.
But yah, support is occasionally nice on this topic. However, I've generally avoided them because of the negativity. I know there have to be communties out there that are more open but I'm having a hard time moving past the bad taste left in my mouth, so to speak, by the others.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 09:33 pm (UTC)Doesn't make any sense to me why it would. I quite like talking to kids who have a serious interest in something vaguely cerebral or geeky. And it's an honour to get to teach what I know to bright kids and find out how their minds work.
But looking after children (or, especially, babies) for 24 hours a day? Being responsible for the messes and the leaks and the temper tantrums? Could Not Handle That At All.